A Matrix Sequel That Wouldn’t Suck

Kiss and Makeup Boys

From the “you’ve got to consider the source” files – KTAR’s John Gambadoro reported that the Suns may have an interest in bringing Shawn Marion back to the Valley for a return engagement.  For this proposed scenario to occur Grant Hill would have to take off for Boston or New York and the Suns would have to clear a few more bucks in order to offer Marion near the mid-level exception (about $5 million).

Bringing Marion to the place where he started his career would almost make too much sense for the Suns.  They’ve already admitted that Shaq was a failed experiment (see: Cavs salary dump) and that doing anything

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Shaq Traded to Cavs OR How to Go From 1st in the West to the Lottery in 16 Months

The Suns Will Now Be the Only Team Shaq Didn't Reach The Finals With

I come to you tonight as SoD’s first international writer.  With times being tough in the blogosphere we’ve decided to expand our little Mom and Pop operation on a global basis – either that or I’m here on business for my real job…I’ll let you decide.  A lot has apparently changed since I last set foot on American soil – first of all the United States is now apparently a soccer power (bring back the title boys – an apathetic public awaits you).  Oh, and the Suns traded Shaquille O’Neal for cap space.

Frankly there are two schools of thought here:

(1) Good to get rid of Shaq’s $21 million dollars a season because all he did was slow down the offense anyway.

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16th Anniversary of Suns-Bulls Triple OT Affair

I Hope Their Talking About How They Were Both Selected After Sam Bowie

The title says it all – 16 years ago today the Suns and Bulls played one of the greatest games in NBA Finals history.  The game was only the 2nd triple overtime game in Finals history – matching Game 5 of the 1976 Finals which also featured the Suns – then playing the Celtics.  Interestingly enough Suns (and current Kings) head coach Paul Westphal was a Suns player during the ’76 game and is the only man to be a part of both games.

The Bulls had taken both Games 1 and 2 from the Suns in Phoenix and the prevailing sentiment was that with 3 consecutive contests in Chicago the Bulls would sail to their first three-peat.  Fortunately the Suns had other ideas and battled the Bulls for three overtimes before Phoenix prevailed to take their first game in the series. 

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A List That Makes Me Think Jonathan Brandis Had the Right Idea

Zim and I have been furiously debating John Hollinger’s NBA Franchise Rankings for most of the day and we should both be able to add our two cents later tonight or tomorrow (let’s just say I’m not entirely certain the Career Sgt. has ever watched an Orlando Magic game that isn’t in the NBA Finals) – but I just wanted to make one Suns related comment.

Cue the Violins

The Suns ranked 5th on Hollinger’s list in which he cited their 18 50-win seasons in the last 33, consistently entertaining teams, and talented stars. He also added the moniker “Best Team to Never to Win a Championship” and suggested whether Phoenix was the NBA’s version of the Cubs.   This is the part where I’d like to have something cute and witty to say – you know something that would show how cool and detached I am – but instead I can only sigh.  As Hollinger appears to be mostly correct I can only say – Reality is a cruel mistress.

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Vince Young Promises You the Tastiest Mouthful of Meat You’ve Ever Had

Vince Young Foods has released three new products: smoked sausage, smoked brisket and smoked ribs. Mull that over for a second. I’ll be here, crying softly, remembering VY’s legacy as the greatest college QB of all time. Back? Good. (No, I wasn’t listening to Enya and playing with a straight razor in the tub, why do you ask?) Anyways, if the meats hold true to their maker, they will be absolutely awesome . . . until you pay for them. After purchase, Vince Young meats will likely have a promising start before a rapid decrease in quality, causing you to have concerns for the meats’ safety. They may be eventually be replaced by older and more cost effective veteran meats. I can only hope his meats come with a hearty dry rub containing plenty of Vince Young Antidepressants™.

If I can get some meat, I got recipes in my head . . . I could get everyone to want my meat in their mouth, baby!

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Random Running Diary: 4th and Long with Michael Irvin

Editors Note: “Random Running Diary” is a recurring post which aims to give you a running commentary on events which would otherwise not qualify for a running diary.

Tonight’s affair: 4th and Long with Michael Irvin.

Premise: Michael Irvin is given a mission by Jerry Jones to find him a “ball player” to make the Cowboys 80 man roster . . . oh and make a spectacularly bad reality show. The odds Jones keeps the winner around camp for a while to get press are high, but the odds of him making the roster? About the same as Dr. Greenbaumberg’s odds. The expectations for Epic Failure are nearly off the charts.

I am looking for a ball player . . . and an 8-ball if you got one.

Opening Sequence: Dramatic montage of Michael Irvin’s search to find Jerry Jones a “ball player” from “world class” athletes whose career ended on terms other than their own. Irvin will be assisted by former Cowboys Bill Bates and Joe Avezzano. The music is straight over the top cheese, it is like they bought 99 cent Store equivalent of dramatic intro music. A promising start, I am already sensing failure.

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The Cards Let This Guy Run 99 Yards?

James Harrison Extending Friendly Courtesy to a Browns Fan

Over the last year we’ve learned a few things about Steelers LB James Harrison:

• He’s a criminal – As evidenced by his 2008 arrest for assaulting his girlfriend, allegedly over their son’s baptism. Fortunately for Harrison, the classy Steelers organization had already reached their quota for releasing players who committed off-season crimes (sorry Cedrick Wilson!)

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The Best 8 NBA Teams of the Last 20 Years Not to Win it All

None of These Teams Got to Raise the Larry O'Brien Trophy

Editors Note: This topic was spurred by a recent conversation with my boss (yes that’s right, the blog does not pay the bills…if you’re curious I am a competitive mime artist) concerning closed window’s of opportunity in the NBA.

A few qualifiers and ground rules before I kick-off:

• Obviously has to be within the last 20 years. So we’re talking 1988-89 season up until today.
• Must be a three year sustained run of success. (Example: The Pacers had a couple decent two years runs but faded in the 3rd year.)
• Cannot have won a championship with the same basic core of players. Example: ’05-’08 Pistons would certainly merit inclusion, yet they won the 2004 NBA Title with mostly the same players. Also I struggled with including the 1993-1996 Spurs since the 1999 Spurs won it all with something the previous editions lacked (Tim Duncan), yet they had 3 of the same starters and I hate the Spurs so they’re off. I now expect Sgt. Zim’s rebuttal column.
• Both post-season and regular season success will be considered. However, a team that enjoyed a great deal of post-season success with only pedestrian regular season’s will likely not be included (see ’01-’03 Nets who lost back to back NBA Finals, but averaged only 50.5 regular season wins).
• I’ve ordered this list by average number of regular season wins during their 3 years span

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USC Paying Players? Say it Ain’t So!

Reggie Bush accepting a bribe of a "golden football" from well known USC booster Mickey Mouse, no word on what bribes were paid to Air Bud "Golden Reciever."

Yahoo Sports once again reveals that USC is up to its usual douschebaggery.  They are reporting that USC men’s basketball coach gave at least $1,000.00 in Family Dollar gift certificates cash to a man named Rodney Guillory, to acquire the services of former Trojan OJ Mayo.  Guillory reportedly lavished Mayo with gifts and helped steer him to USC and to Bill Duffy Associates sports agency after college.  A one time Mayo confidant, has told NCAA investigators and federal authorities – including the FBI, IRS and U.S. Attorney’s Office of the payments.  USC was already under investigation for the over $100,000.00 in improper benefits Reggie Bush received while at USC.  But based on the gutless way the NCAA penalizes programs larger than SMU it is likely USC will receive nothing more then a slap on the wrist and the temporary suspension of Pete Carroll’s twitter account.

The victim in all of this?  OJ Mayo.  Based on the previous precedent of the Reggie Bush payments, Mayo was worth way more than than Tim Floyd paid for him.  Either Tim Floyd is a Gordon Gecko type hard driving business man or Mayo was represented by the same guy who negotiated for the Native Americans and agreed to give land to Europeans in exchange for small pox infested blankets.  Either way, Mayo got ripped off.

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Like All Things, Extortion Just Ain’t What It Used To Be

Formal indictments came down today for failed extortionist Karen Cunagin Sypher (they always use three names in the media when you are bat-shit crazy).  She is charged with attempting to extort Louisville coach Rick Pitino and lying to the EFF-BEE-EYE.  With this good news, Pitino should call a press conference to address, what hopes to be, the final resolution of this sordid matter.  Here is my suggestion for his statement:

Sadly, he is not walking through that door.

Look extortion just isn’t what it used to be, okay?  I mean come on people.  Henry Hill is not walking through that door, fans.  Luca Brasi is not walking through that door, and Flat Top is not walking through that door.  

And if you expect them to walk through that door, they’re going to be gray and old. … And as soon as you realize that those three guys are not coming through the door, the better this town will be for all of us. …

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