David Carradine Wins Jonathan Brandis Lifetime Achievement Award

Gary Glitter Approves of East Asian Tourism.

Yesterday actor David Carradine was found dead in his Bangkok hotel, following an apparent suicide by hanging. (Note to Nicolas Cage: this is how you make Bangkok Dangerous not by making another shitty film). Carradine, star of such classics as Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror and My Suicide (was he just attempting to remake this film as a one man show?), was in Thailand to film a movie. Some have speculated Carradine was indulging in auto-erotic asphyxiation, and Dr. Greenbaumberg and the Thai Police are reporting that Carradine had a rope tied around his genitals, not sure how Dr. Greenbaumberg knew that . . . SoD prefers to speculate that he was not choking himself while using his very private kung fu grip.  

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Dog Attack, Not Featuring Michael Vick

James Harrison's idea of the perfect family pet.

The son of James Harrison, Scott Howard’s close personal friend (so close Howard notices when Harrison eats asparagus), was reportedly attacked by one of the three pit-bulls owned by Harrison the cock-sucker.  Harrison’s young son was reportedly taken to the hospital following the attack.  While we do not enjoy reporting the misfortunes of others, SoD’s non-existent sources can confirm that immediately before the the attack Harrison was upset with his young son for not supporting him prior to his recent success in the NFL; Harrison was unimpressed by the argument that it would have been impossible for his son to support him before being born. However, at this time we cannot confirm if Harrison is mad at his son for “taking it like Aaron Francisco” during the attack.

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Dolphins Rename Stadium, Promise Dennis Quaid Will be Ready for Next Season

I can't be any worse than Chad Pennington or Chad Henne.

The Miami Dolphins recently renamed the stadium they share with the Florida Marlins and Miami Hurricanes; it’s now called Landshark Stadium.  While the Dolphins claim the renaming is part of a partnership with singer and beach hippie Jimmy Buffet, I doubt this.  I believe the Dolphins are attempting to create excitement in their flagging organization by slowly morphing into the Miami Sharks from the immortal film, Any Given Sunday.  Tell me you wouldn’t rather see Al Pacino roaming the sidelines on Sunday afternoons than Tony Sparano?  And what looks better: the Sharks all black uniforms or the Dolphins aqua monstrosities?  I thought so.

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Nomad QB Transfers to ASU

Michigan sophomore quarterback Steven Threet has announced he will transfer to ASU in the fall. Under NCAA rules he must sit out the 2009 season before competing for the starting job in the 2010 . ASU fans welcome this news following the departures of Jack Elway and Chasen Stangel from the team, but they should be highly skeptical of Threet despite his Michigan pedigree. Actually, they should be highly skeptical BECAUSE of Threet’s Michigan pedigree. Threet will not become the next Jake Plummer or Andrew Walter. He is more likely to be a new Rudy Carpenter, sans the talent.

Threet assuming the Rudy Carpenter position.

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