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Posts Tagged ‘Steroids’

Apparently the single greatest promotion in minor league baseball history is starting an MLB future Hall of Famer who is serving a 50-game suspension for steriods. The Albuquerque Isotopes drew the highest crowd for a baseball game — ever — in Albequerque, New Mexico (which probably means the largest ever in New Mexico).

It just goes to show that the total list of people who actually care about steriods includes (1) baseball writers; (2) grandstanding politicians; and (3) the producers of Outside the Lines.  In New Mexico, eh, they don’t judge a man for experimenting with his femine side through the recreational use of a little female fertilty hormones.

For more information on the connection between steroids, female fertility drugs, and body building, you should check out this 1994 documentary.

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I Cannot Stay Mad At Someone Wearing Their Hat Like My Grandpa

I Cannot Stay Mad At Someone Wearing Their Hat Like My Grandpa

As SoD is my mother’s 12th-favorite regional sports blog I feel it is our obligation – no, ethical duty – to report on the recent New York Times allegations that Sammy Sosa tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. So here are my thoughts – wow, this is shocking. Here I was ignorantly thinking that it was normal for a player to go from hitting 137 home runs in one four year stretch (1994-1997) to 243 in the immediately following four year stretch (1998-2001). I’ve officially lost my ability to trust. Thanks a lot Sammy. (See what I did there? Witty comments on a popular sports topic.  Joke city baby).

You’re next Walt Weiss.

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Eddie seen here waving players to exit the dugout after World Series victory in 2001.

Eddie seen here waving players out of the dugout after the World Series victory.

Third base coaches are like umpires or referees.  If you know their name, chances are they screwed up.  But, if you are an avid follower of a certain team or a season ticket holder (particularly one with tickets along the third base line) you probably know your team’s current third base coach.  Maybe even a few former ones.

There are a couple keys to being a well-liked and memorable third base coach.  First, and most importantly, a third base coach can’t consistently get guys hosed.  Nothing pisses fans off more than seeing a third base coach send a guy who is thrown out by 15 feet.  Prime examples include former Diamondbacks’ (yes kids, they used be called the Diamondbacks) third base coach Eddie “Green Light” Rodriguez and former Firebirds/Giants/Red Sox/Cubs’ third base coach Wendell “Wave’em In” Kim.  These guys never saw a ball hit to the outfield they didn’t fall in love with.

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(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)

I dont always drink beer.  But when I do, I prefer the High Life (and a clueless little kid to bother me).

I don't always drink beer. But when I do, I prefer the High Life (and a clueless little kid to bother me).

Body by Jake? Belgian bodybuilders at a bodybuilding event reportedly fled the scene upon the arrival of a drug tester.  That’s it.  The last bastion of clean, non-supplemented, pure sport has now been dirtied.  It used to be all you needed was a Bowflex, a can of baby oil, and a dream.  Now, the hallowed records which were passed down from generation to generation by fathers to sons are meaningless.  We all grew up knowing numbers like “126” (as if I had to tell you — the world record for one-armed push-ups).  It’s part of the fabric of this country and that fabric has been forever stained.  Bob Costas and I say “Shame on you!”

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(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)

Rocket Sauce, I need you. Im a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

Rocket Sauce, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

Rocket Sauce . . . In his recent soft toss session spin control interview with Mike and Mike (one’s an athlete, one’s a dork…and there BOTH named “Mike” — let the hi jinx ensue!), Roger Clemens busted out a new strategy for denying the allegations that he took steroids — he has a family history of heart problems.  This new ammunition presumably comes from Clemens’ new PR firm and Roger wasted no time in going to that well early and often.  He proceeded to act as if this were the smoking gun, the revelation which would make us all stand up and cheer “INNOCENT!”  What’s Rocket’s family history like, you say?  Well his brother and his step dad have both had heart problems.  Step dad?  Take it easy Rocket.  Why don’t you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

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This Add Was Supposed to Help SELL Underwear.

This Add Was Supposed to Help SELL Underwear.

Former Red Pete Rose told Dan Patrick in an interview today that he’d back Alex Rodriguez for entry into the MLB Hall of Fame.  Rose, who as everyone knows is ineligible himself for inclusion on a Hall of Fame ballot due to his involvement with gambling while he was manager of the Reds, also went on to (shockingly) say that steroid use is worse than gambling becasue you can affect the direct outcome of the game.  Certainly can’t say that Pete isn’t an opportunist.

As for A-Rod, do you think this is about the point that you place a call to Rose and say something along the lines of “Oh hey Pete, thanks for the support, I mean really thank you.  However, do you think you could refrain from every speaking about me again?”

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Every Friday Saturday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker. You know, like a parade marshall. Except cooler.  (This week’s designation comes a day late due to my friend’s decision to elope to western New Mexico.)

This weekend’s honorary drinker is Mickey Mantle.  In light of revelations about Manny and A-Rod, old seven just keeps looking better and better.  Forget about PED’s, he hit 536 home runs with a pounding hangover and blood-shot eyes.  So tip one back for the Mick this weekend.

Sometimes a long night of partying requires you to take a knee. Nothing wrong with that.

“I guess you could say I am what this country is all about.” – Mickey Mantle

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