Reason No. 237 Not To Do Meth

According to reports, NASCAR’s playoff series may have to change its name to “The Ride for The Snake” as NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield has allegedly tested positive for meth.  Nothing has been confirmed and Mayfield is denying this report via his attorney.  Then again, Mayfield is also on record with the following statement made shortly after his positive test for banned substances:

I don’t need to go to rehab because I don’t have a problem.

I am surprised he didn’t go with “I can quit whenever I want.”  Look, we all know the benefits of meth, e.g., you will lose all that stubborn baby fat — plus your teeth, hair, and friends.  Nevertheless, the mere possibility of meth associating with NASCAR is enough to keep me away from meth for good.  And, don’t be surprised if you see the Jimmy Tango’s Fatbuster car near the top of the standings next year.

Say hello to NASCAR's next big title sponsor.

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Weekend Quick Hits

These are the stories that happened while we were busy spending time with our loved ones destroying our livers via light and responsible social drinking . . . no we don’t have a problem, lots of people wake up naked licking sap off a pine cone in a church. Unjustified accusations aside, these stories are worth mentioning but do not deserve their own column.

• Jeremy Mayfield suspend for positive drug test. The driver/owner was indefinitely suspended for violating NASCAR’s substance abuse policy. The only thing we know for certain is that it was not alcohol, NASCAR won’t say what the banned substance Mayfield took was but called it a “serious infraction,” and defined it as a recreational or performance-enhancing drug. NASCAR does not publish a definitive list of banned substances. Recreational or performance-enhancing is a very broad swath of possibilities, he could have been taking anything from a Clemens favorite, winstrol, to part of Corie Blount’s personal stash, my personal favorite theory is that he failed the test based on his use of over-the-counter allergy medication, Claritin D, a NASCAR sponsor.

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You Coulda Been a Contender

I felt it was time for me to combine two of my favorite things: (1) recurring posts; and (2) pathetic longing (the third would be steamy Latin looks in case you’re curious). Thus I unveil “You Coulda Been a Contender”, which will be a weekly (or monthly, or daily, or bi-weekly…it’s my decision) post in which I revisit an athlete (or actor, model, fictional character…again…my decision) who showed flashes of brilliance, only to squander it.

Doom Boom

Since the ’92-’93 Suns are the hallmark team of my youth and I can still name the entire roster off the top of my head (including Tim Kempton), I figure I’ll begin with Richard Dumas.

After being selected by the Suns with the 46th pick in the 1991 NBA Draft out of Oklahoma State, Dumas was suspended for his entire rookie campaign for violating the NBA’s substance abuse policy.  Certainly an ominous beginning, but 19 games into the ’92-’93 season, Dumas joined the Suns and quickly took off, averaging 15.8 points per game and 4.6 rebounds in 27 minutes per game.  Pretty disgusting numbers considering he was no better than the 4th option on the team behind Barkley, KJ, and Dan Majerle .  I actually still vividly remember his first game, on December 18th against the Lakers, where he put up 16 points in only 17 minutes.  Dumas carried his act into the playoffs, exceeding 16 points on 7 different occasions during the Suns march to the NBA Finals, culminating in a 25 point performance in Game 5 of those Finals (on 12 of 14 shooting).  Unfortunately that was the peak.

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