Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Drinkin’ and Smokin’’

Every Friday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker.  You know, like a parade marshal.  Except cooler.

After last week’s holiday hiatus, we return with this week’s honorary drinker:  Eric Stratton.  Some people are Bluto guys.  Others are Neidermeyer guys.  A few people are even pants-less Donald Sutherland guys.  Me, I’ve always been an Otter guy.  Go forth and remember, when things get bad, it just means it’s time for a road trip.

Theres always time for a nightcap at Otters.

There's always time for a nightcap at Otter's.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief.  The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests – we did.  But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system?  And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general?  I put it to you, Greg – isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society?  Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.”  – Eric “Otter” Stratton

Read Full Post »

If you listen to the radio at all you have probably heard those OnStar commercials where they play live calls from people using OnStar in an emergency.  But, maybe you haven’t noticed the disturbing escalation of the emergency calls they are choosing.  That’s why they pay me the big bucks.  I notice these things.

The original commercials usually had a recording of some “funny” problem where someone locked their keys or cellphone (or dog) in the car.  It was all laughs and harmless anecdotes.  It made you feel good inside.  Then all of the sudden the people down at OnStar apparently got restless.  Out went the lighthearted commercials and in came the steadily increasing tragedy.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Entertainment columinsts can’t just publish continuous stories about Michael Jackson.  (Right? Please tell me it will stop.)  Sometimes they need to throw in a little filler.  Check out three of the latest entertainment stories that azcentral.com has picked up.  Beware, this is shocking stuff.

Danny boy wishes he was taller than 55.  I wish I was wizard.  Looks like we are both shit out of luck.

Danny boy wishes he was taller than 5'5. I wish I was wizard. Looks like we are both shit out of luck.

If this is all you got, keep the Jacko stories coming guys.

Read Full Post »

5:01

Every Friday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker. You know, like a parade marshal. Except cooler.

This week’s honorary drinker is Anthony Bourdain.  America’s crankiest chef and unrepentent smoker, drinker, meat-eater, and appreciater of the truly fine things in life.  Go forth and beware of vegans.

When you're the Chef, there's nothing wrong with a little drinking on the job.

“If some Birkenstock-wearing knucklehead driving around in a SUV and wearing sneakers someone was sold into slavery to make is sniffling about the poor animals, that person is clearly never going to experience the world.” — Anthony Bourdain

Read Full Post »

Reports are that Michael Phelps will sign his first endorsment deal since photographs of him smoking “the pot” (as Katie Couric so lovingly refers to it) were released last year.  No, all you jokesters, it isn’t a new multi-year deal with High Times magazine, Captain Crunch, or Trails.

For one magical summer in 1998, this oil drilling team sat atop both the AP and Coaches Polls as the #1 ranked oil drilling team in the world.

For one magical summer in 1998, these guys sat atop both the AP and Coaches' Polls as the #1 ranked deep-core oil drilling team in the world.

The new deal will be with H20 Audio, a company who makes waterproof headphones and accessories.  

This got me thinking about who exactly needs this product.  Isn’t this a niche market?  How many people are really desperate for underwater headphones? 

After some brief brainstorming, I came up with the following list: (1) swimmers; (2) surfers; (3) scuba divers; (4) Bruce Willis’ #1-rated deep-core oil drilling team; and (5) old people who do pool aerobics. 

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Every Friday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker. You know, like a parade marshal. Except cooler.

This week’s honorary drinker is Sam Axe.  When he’s not watching Michael Westen’s back or wooing the widowed heiresses of Miami, he can be found sipping a mojito or having a beer (or six) along the bars of South Beach.  Go forth and remember, when scheming, there’s always time for a few drinks.

For the measley price of a couple of beers, Sams got your back.

For the measley price of a couple of beers, Sam's got your back.

“Serious?  Like ‘don’t finish that beer’ serious?” – Sam Axe

Read Full Post »

Here at SoD, we celebrate the dark arts.  And, there is no darker art than Cosmology.  Which makes what I have to tell you all the more unsettling:

The Earth is going to collide with Venus.

After a very brief 3.5 billion-year courtship, Earth and Venus decide to get it on.  Is there any decency left in the Universe?

After a very brief 3.5 billion-year courtship, Earth and Venus decide to get it on. Is there any decency left in the Universe?

Well, maybe.  Actually there is only a 1% chance this could occur — 3.5 billion years from now. 

The cause of this disaster is a little known phenomenon called “orbital chaos.”  Sounds like a 70’s prog rock band, right?  Nope.  It is the tolling bell of doom for your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandkids/cyborgs.

So there you have it.  Feel free to lose your job, drink yourself into oblivion, and plunge the stock market into the depths of the abyss.  Wait, you’ve already done that?  Well, say what you will about Earthians, but we aren’t procrastinators when it comes to planning our own demise.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »