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Posts Tagged ‘Writer to Writer trash talk’

The United States Soccer team choked away a 2-0 first half lead to lose to Brazil in the Confederations Cup Final. Brazil scored 3 unanswered second half goals and should have had four but for the ref missing the ball crossing the goal line. While the U.S. team should be applauded for making its first ever F.I.F.A. men’s final, this epic gag job should not be forgiven. So in summary, congrats on making the final and congrats on having a 2-0 lead at half time but epic fail at not choking on apple sauce in the second half.
Landon Donovan may as well have actually shit himself in the second half for all the good he did.

Landon Donovan may as well have actually shit himself in the second half for all the good he did.

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Oh, this old thing? It is no big deal, just my old solid gold football.

Oh, this old thing? It is no big deal, just my old solid gold football.

According to the information generated from the Equity in Athletics Disclosure Act forms, in 2008  Texas generated the most revenue of any athletic program ($120.3 million), the most revenue of any football program ($72.9 million) and the most profitable football program ($52 million).  While Texas narrowly edged Ohio State in overall revenue and football revenue it dominated the Big XII like my clubbing arm dominates baby seals.  Notably no Pac 10 program, even media darling USC, cracked the top ten in athletic revenue or football revenue. 

Let me put Mack Brown’s financial juggernaut into perspective, Texas generated more in profit from football than any other team in the Big XII generated as revenue from football.  Nebraska the second highest grossing team in the Big XII generated $49 million in football revenue, and the land thieves in Oklahoma only generated $40.9 million in revenue from football.  So if you are keeping score at home that means Texas could buy and sell the rest of the Big XII and the Pac 10 the way Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas used to buy and sell orphans.*  College football is a story of the haves and Kansas States and Pac-10s of the world, and Texas certainly is head of the class in the haves column.  As a Longhorn, let me humbly say: WOOOOO HOOOOO!! 

*This may or may not be baseless rank speculation.  Not about Dave Thomas though, he was pure unadulterated evil.

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A former security guard assigned to provide security services to Tony Parker’s home has been arrested after stealing from Mr. Longoria.  The security guard, who was already wanted for a previous burglary, helped himself to a signed Michael Jordan jersey and attempted to sell the jersey, worth over $20,000.00, for $500.00 on Craigslist. Unfortunately, this budding investment banker was unable to offload his collateralized autographed jersey-backed security (far below market value and priced to move!) before he was caught by Bexar County Sheriff’s Deputies.

And I cant stress this enough ... no matter how he says he is reformed dont let Bernie Madoff run your portfolio.

"And I can't stress this enough ... no matter how he says he is reformed don't let Bernie Madoff run your portfolio."

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The Arizona Republic has done what no other publication, talk show host, or D’backs employee could do:  they have gotten to the root cause of the D’backs’ bullpen struggles.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bullpen phone.

Can we get a Lady GaGa ringtone down there or something?  A little "Poker Face" never scared anyone.

Can we get a Lady GaGa ringtone down there or something? A little "Poker Face" never scared anyone.

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I'd Say This Picture Could Change Bill Williamson's Mind

I'd Say This Picture Could Change Bill Williamson's Mind

Bill Williamson – ESPN’s 10th ranked writer based on looks (as prepared by reputable political website SoD) – recently offered his argument in ESPN.com’s “Double Coverage” that Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman is more essential to his team than Patriots QB (Steamy White Looks?) Tom Brady is to his. No seriously.

Now I realize that it’s June 10th and the NFL writers need something to do – but did they really need to force Merriman v. Brady down our throats? Both players missed most of the 2008 season and that’s about where the comparison should end. Sure the Chargers went from 11-5 in 2007 to 8-8 in 2008 without Merriman and sure Merriman is a 3-time Pro Bowler and 2006 All-Pro – but more valuable than Brady? In case you’ve forgotten let me throw a few stats at you: (more…)

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After 21 years in the major leagues Randy Johnson earned his 300th win, beating the pathetic Nationals 5-1. Johnson celebrated by hugging his son, his teammates and his manager, knifing a drifter (would it shock you if this was true? Really?) and buying a new industrial sized jar a Vaseline to rub into his glorious Kentucky Waterfall. The Expos Astros Diamondbacks Yankees Diamondbacks Giants’ pitcher became just the 24 player to win 300 games. 

Randy Johnson celebrating his 300th win.
Randy Johnson celebrating his 300th win.

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Am I needlessly kicking Mariners fans while they are down? Yes.

Am I needlessly kicking Mariners fans while they are down? Yes.

Do not despair Seattle fans: Ichiro is here. Ichiro Suzuki has extended his hit streak to 26 games, a career best and Mariners’ record.  The Mariners are only four games below .500.  And, while this may not seem all that impressive in the abstract, when viewed in context this is a smashing success.  In the last year, Seattle fans have lost the Sonics, the Seahawks are coming off a 4-12 season, the Washington Huskies went 0 for everything, and Dr. Greenbaumberg has lost his Detlef Schrempf life sized anatomically correct “action figure.” 

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