The Crappiest Game In A Season Of Crap

In case you still haven’t figured out what this blog is here to celebrate, I give you the top of the 8th inning in last night’s D’backs v. Marlins game (which the D’backs led 7-0 at the top of the 6th):

Juan Gutierrez pitching for Arizona.  Score: AZ 7 – FL 4.

J Hermida singled to center

J Baker walked, J Hermida to second

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D-Backs Move From Horrid to Slightly Less Horrid

The season still isn't watchable. Even though it features a guy with two differently colored eyes.

If you haven’t notice lately – and you likely haven’t if the attendance figures are any indication – the Diamondbacks have put together their longest winning streak of the season (5 straight) and moved out of last place in the NL West.  Take THAT Padres!

The D-Backs are actually now undefeated since Mark Reynolds unleashed last Friday’s rant about how it seems that his teammates have packed it in for the season.  Perhaps this will represent a step in the right direction for the D-Backs and they’ll grow and change from it – but don’t get any illusions of a playoff run.  In what is a clear indicator of how brutal the season has been to this point – the D-Backs are still a staggering 17.5 games back of the first place Dodgers, and 10.5 games back of the wild-card leading Giants.  I’d say this is as good a chance as any to point out that Cardinals training camp opens in 25 days.

We realize it’s been a slow time for SoD but what else are we supposed to write about?  I can only drill down into the Suns complete lack of a gameplan so much and you really don’t want us to start unleashing Steve McNair jokes yet.  Hang in there lovers.

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Tony! Toni! Toné!

The D’backs have traded reliever Tony Pena to the White Sox for Carlos Quentin a AA/AAA first baseman named Brandon Allen.

Josh, I am available if you would like to shore up the first base position with another aging vet.

This is presumably to fill the D’backs glaring need at the first base position.  Right now they only have Tony Clark, Mark Reynolds, Josh Whitesell (up and down between AAA and majors), Chad Tracy, and bubonic plague victim Conor Jackson.  What’s wrong Greg Colbrunn wasn’t available?

At least with Pena gone the D’backs’ 8th inning ERA will probably go from approximately 17.10 to 10.10.  So they got that going for them.  A little addition by subtraction.  That is what it has come to in this town.

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The D-Backs Define the Theme of this Blog

Upton Would Have Fit in Well in Right Field for Louie and I's Softball Team

On October 6, 2007 the NL West division champion Arizona Diamondbacks defeated the Chicago Cubs 5-1 in order to finish off an NLDS sweep.  Although the D-Backs were promptly swept out of the NLCS by the Rockies there was certainly reason for hope for the future.  In that game Arizona ran out the following lineup (this was approximately 21 months ago….TWENTY-ONE):

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2009 Monsoon Season Preview

Now that the NBA season has mercifully come to an end, its time for the Monsoon season to start.  (No, the Monsoon are not a new WNBA expansion team, don’t you worry).  Here in Arizona, that means three things:

1. Flash flooding will occur to do the city’s inadequate drainage system;
2. As soon as the first drop of water hits the road, everyone will drive 15 mph under the speed limt; and
3. Idiots will attempt to drive across flooded roads only to be stranded on top of their cars awaiting rescue by the fire department.

Unfortunately, the Monsoon season will not rain out any D’backs games. 

Rain or shine, this guy will be patrolling the outfield this summer.

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Woodward and Bernstein Wish They Broke This Story

The Arizona Republic has done what no other publication, talk show host, or D’backs employee could do:  they have gotten to the root cause of the D’backs’ bullpen struggles.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bullpen phone.

Can we get a Lady GaGa ringtone down there or something? A little "Poker Face" never scared anyone.

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Sneak Peak: The 2010 D’Backs Media Guide Cover

According to our sources, this will be the cover of 2010 D’back’s media guide:

D'Backs 2010: When the bar is set at zero, you can't help but exceed expectations.

Pre-order you 2010 season tix now!

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This Is Just A Tribute

Last night the D’backs celebrated Randy Johnson’s 300th victory by committing three errors and giving up five runs in the first three innings of the game.  Just like old times, eh Randy?  You sure you don’t want to come back?  Anyways, the official and much-ballyhooed video tribute to Randy played shorty thereafter with the Giants’ victory all but assured. 

The Many Faces Of Randy Johnson: Annoyed, Indifferent, and, Exasperated.

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Searching For Ben Roethlisberger

Day one of the MLB draft is in the books.  As part of SoD’s crackdown on worthless posts (who I am kidding?), I have chosen to forgo the annual pilgrimage to the banks of the river of shit that is the draft day grading breakdown.  Mostly because this timeless art of speculative ranking is like signing Eric Byrnes to a multi-million dollar long-term deal — it sounds like a good idea at first but in hindsight you just end up looking foolish.  Rather than speculating on things about which I have no idea (like out-of-state high school baseball players), I have chosen a more scientific method.  This also allows me to debut what I believe to be a mandatory category of evaluation for any draft board: Name Value.

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A Humble Suggestion For Fixing The D’Backs Bullpen

Just put this on the gate:

Time to add this little guy to the bullpen roster.

Problem solved.

(P.S. Make sure it is a Master lock.  Those are bulletproof.)

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