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Archive for May, 2009

Those NFL Live United commercials have gotten to the point where I want to punch a hole through my TV each time they are on.  I get it – Drew Brees, Santana Moss, Eli Manning, Adrian Peterson, Bob Sanders (did I miss any?) all do community service – but the same damn commercials have been playing for what seems like 2 years, lets cook up some new ones.

Consider the NBA on Notice - It's Tabuse Time

Consider the NBA on Notice - It's Tabuse Time

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Saw Terminator: Salvation tonight and as Dr. Greenbaumberg said – it really fell apart in the last 30 minutes. One thought I couldn’t quite get over the entire movie was that if I’m part of the resistance I would probably just give up.  That’s right – I, Scott Howard, will gladly give myself up to my machine overlords.

If the Designer of the Eastern Conference Championship Trophy was going for "As Unimpressive as Possible" - He Nailed It.

If the Designer of the Eastern Conference Championship Trophy was going for "As Unimpressive as Possible" - He Nailed It.

Magicians 103 Cavs 90 – By the ghost of Dennis Scott, Superman has bested the King and Orlando’s going back to the NBA Finals.  The Magicians finished off the Cavs in a blowout and Louie’s prophecy has come true.

Orlando took control of the game in the 2nd quarter, took an 18 point lead into half time and never looked back.  In the end the story of the game – and the series – was the Cavs inability to contain Dwight Howard.  Howard poured in 40 points to go with 14 rebounds to lead Orlando.  (more…)

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A Poor Man's Jared Lorenzen

A Poor Man's Jared Lorenzen

I promised myself I wouldn’t use this blog to blatantly attack people when they don’t agree with my obvious biases – wait! It’s the exact opposite! So guess what? Tim Hasselback – you’re a sucky loser.

If you missed it – and you probably did – Mr. Elizabeth Hasselback is apparently now an analyst for NFL Live on ESPN. This followed his stellar NFL career which spanned 4 different seasons (between 2002-2007) and 15 whole games. He actually even got to start a few for the Redskins in 2003. In addition he had a very brief stint as a Cardinals QB in 2007 – signing after Matt Leinart, Kurt Warner, Neil Lomax, Timm Rosenbach, and Tom Tupa (list may not be accurate) all went down.

Ordinarily I would just let his general existence as an NFL analyst roll off my back. He’s no Jesse Palmer in the looks department, in fact he’s so bland that you barely care he’s alive – but he’s drawn my ire with some recent comments. While discussing the recently released ESPN NFL Power Rankings on NFL Live, Hasselback cited the Cardinals as the team most likely to decline in 2009. His reasons? (more…)

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I really don’t like night clubs.  I don’t get the appeal – they’re loud, crowded, and the drinks are expensive.  They basically just completely suck.  So to recap – like Nightcaps, hate night clubs.

Former MVP Kobe Bryant

Former MVP Kobe Bryant

Lakers 119 Nuggets 92 – The Kobe puppet survives.  A series that had been relatively competitive through 5 games ended in anti-climactic fashion as LA advanced to their 2nd consecutive NBA Finals with a 27 point victory.

Kobe Bryant led the way for the Lakers with an impressive 35 point, 10 assist, 6 rebound performance.  And for the second straight game – the Lakers got great support off the bench and they won.  Lamar Odom had 20-8, Pau Gasol put in 20, and Trevor Ariza scored 17 as he continued to stake his claim to the Jerome James Award. (more…)

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Every Friday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker. You know, like a parade marshal. Except cooler.

This week’s honorary drinker is Jasper Newton “Jack” “John” Daniel (when you know him as well as I do, you call him John).  A distiller, a life-long bachelor, and a “Who’s More Grizzled?” three-time champion.  Get a glass and enjoy your weekend.  Old No. 7 will take care of the rest.

My whiskey doesnt give people hangovers.  People give people hangovers.

Here's Jack posing in the classic "bag of sticks" portrait style of the era.

“Every day we make it, we make it the best we can” – Jack Daniel (Well, he didn’t say it but his company did and that’s good enough for me.)

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Controversial 1995 West Regional Champion with the winning word couch.

Controversial 1995 West Regional Champion with the winning word "couch."

Thirteen-year-old Kavya Shivashankar of Olathe, Kansas claimed this year’s award for the biggest destroyed childhood — also known as the Scripps National Spelling Bee Champion.  Her winning word: Laodicean (FYI – spell check doesn’t even freaking recognize this word.)  Laodicean, as we all know, means “the dicean.”  Recently, the difficulty of the words has skyrocketed due to crazy parents forcing their kids to memorize words non-stop the rise in the ability of the contestants.  Check out Wikipedia for some of the winning words from bees past.  Definitely no freaking “laodiceans” in there.  By the way, my favorite time period is 1934 through 1940 as the winning words paint a sorrowful and chronological diary of the everyman’s experiences in the Great Depression:

  • 1934: “Deteriorating” – The economy is starting to go south.  I am worried.
  • 1935: “Intelligible” – Everyone claims they can fix it.  I don’t know.
  • 1936: “Interning” – If only I could get my foot in the door at a company.  I’d consider working for free to start.
  • 1937: “Promiscuous” – I don’t want to be this way.  But, I need to ease the pain of poverty.
  • 1938: “Sanitorium” – I have hit rock bottom.  Liquor, sex and joblessness cause me to become violently ill.
  • 1939: “Canonical” – Found God.  Sickness cured.  Amen, brotha.
  • 1940: “Therapy” – Taking life one day at time now and feeling good.  Germans a bit unsettling though.  Will monitor.

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Early this week at an alumni event, octogenarian Joe Paterno said he would not welcome Notre Dame to the Big Ten. He said he would like to see Rutgers, Pittsburgh or Syracuse join the Big Ten so that the conference can expand from 11 teams to 12 and have an important conference championship game. Notre Dame has repeatedly refused offers to join the Big Ten, preferring to remain a football independent with its own oversize CBS contract. Ever since working for the Spanish Inquisition as a young man, Joe Paterno has opposed the Pope’s influence and he isn’t about to stop now.

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