I AM AT THIS PARTY!!!!!

(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)

The Dude doesn't need two hands to bowl or hold his white russians.

Bubble Bobble… First ASU’s bubble and now the Cowboys’ bubble. Add these to the three reported collapses of similar structures since 2002 (built by the same company who did the Cowboys’ facility), and that makes an alarming number of bubble-dome collapses in recent years. Maybe we need to reevaluate wisdom of the bubble-dome technology. Interestingly, Rudy Carpenter was present at both the ASU and Cowboys’ collapses. Is some wind deity trying to smite him? Further research is necessary.

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Cocaine Doesn’t Come Cheap

Per AZCentral (our new twitter friend), via the USA Today – former ASU QB and cup-throwing distance champion Sam Keller is suing the NCAA and EA Sports. In his suit, Keller claims that EA Sports video games go too far in how they represent college player likenesses.

Apparently being the third-string quarterback for a team in the now-on-hiatus Arena Football League (Los Angeles Avengers), while playing behind some guy named Tim Hicks and the 4th best quarterback in the last 8 years from Texas Tech (Sonny Cumbie), doesn’t pay the bills. It’s definitely real nice to see that Keller’s doing well for himself though. Like they always say, the first sign that your life is going to be a train wreck is when you lose a job to Rudy Carpenter (“they” say that right?).

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A Thank You to Rudy

No, not the lovable, hardworking, better-known-as-a-sidekick-hobbit Rudy. This letter goes out to one much closer to our black, black hearts here at Seasons of Discontent.

Mr. Carpenter:

We all want to cheer for the hometown team. You know, be true to your school and all. So you avoided the open hostility of at least this ASU fan for the past few years. Despite your constantly-running mouth, let alone your unique penchant for following a potentially drive-crushing sack with a certainly game-crushing interception. Still, your membership on the team and your willingness to play through injuries were just enough to prevent me from openly wishing you severe bodily harm. I was probably guilty of wishing moderate harm. Maybe not a Theisman-esque, “I never thought I’d get to see my own bone marrow” injury, but certainly something minor and poorly understood. Like a lis franc. Maybe an inflamed bursa sac.

Well, now you’ve signed with the Cowboys. Rudy, thank you for confirming everything I’ve always believed about you, and tipping the scales so I can actively root to see your insides exposed to the outsides. Which will be the only way you’ll ever be mentioned in the same breath as Napolean McCallum or any other NFL starter (youtube it if you dare). Oh, and good luck getting past Isiah Stanback* on the depth chart.

Sincerely,

Dr. Greenbaumberg

*Go Huskies!

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Looks Like Someone’s Got A Case Of The Mondays

For those of us in the wasteland of college football known as Arizona, the last four years have subjected us to the Rudy Carpenter Era and the Willie Tuitama Era.  Thankfully, both have ended.  What’s next for these two gunslingers?  Well neither was drafted in the NFL so it looks like its NFL Europe, Arena League, XFL the UFL.  

This is perfect for these two as the UFL has decided to headquarter its training and housing of players in (drumroll) Casa Grande, Arizona — perfectly positioned between the powerhouse mediocre progams of Tucson and Phoenix.  This has to be, as George McFly would say, “density.” 

 Therefore, without further ado, I give you the world’s first UFL draft breakdown in the form of a comparison between these soon-to-be stars of a league soon-to-be a trivia question on Jeopardy.

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