I AM AT THIS PARTY!!!!!

(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)

The Dude doesn't need two hands to bowl or hold his white russians.

Bubble Bobble… First ASU’s bubble and now the Cowboys’ bubble. Add these to the three reported collapses of similar structures since 2002 (built by the same company who did the Cowboys’ facility), and that makes an alarming number of bubble-dome collapses in recent years. Maybe we need to reevaluate wisdom of the bubble-dome technology. Interestingly, Rudy Carpenter was present at both the ASU and Cowboys’ collapses. Is some wind deity trying to smite him? Further research is necessary.

Obviously you’re not a golfer… The PBA is recently advertising a new star “athlete” in its ranks — Jason Belmonte. He is using a revolutionary new two-handed bowling style to win tournaments. Sorry, Jason but this isn’t a new idea. I perfected the two-handed bowling style years ago. You don’t get a scoring average of 104.1 without a little creativity.

Geeks v. Jocks… Selena Roberts never got asked to the high school dance. That must be it, right? A few years back, she utterly annilates the Duke Lacrosse team on a repeated basis but refuses to recant when the witnesses admit to lying and the prosectutor is disbarred for failing to disclose exonerating evidence. Now she is publishing a book which amounts to a wholesale indictment of A-Rod, including stories of what a bad guy he was in high school. Rumors of a sequel (A-Rod: The Early Years) are already in the works. Key highlights will include:

• A-Rod taking other kids lunch money;
• A-Rod picking on the “goth” kids;
• A-Rod driving too fast in the high school parking lot;
• A-Rod smoking cigarettes in the boy’s bathroom;
• A-Rod “TP-ing” the principal’s house.

Congratulations Selena, you did what no writer has done before. You made people feel sorry for A-Rod.

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