Don’t Cry For Me Pennsylvania

First the Phillies.  Then the Steelers.  Now the Penguins.  The Keystone State holds three of the major four sports titles.  You probably already now this by now.  But, what about some of William Penn’s other championship sons and daughters?  Shouldn’t we extend congrats to these proud champions too?

• Splash Lagoon – Largest Indoor Waterpark on the East Coast;
• The Boone and Crockett Club – Maintains five of the ten largest black bear skulls on record;
• Philadelphia Soul – Reigning 2008 AFL champs (Can they repeat this season…er…nevermind);
• Pretzels and Chips – Highest manufacturing of these products of any state;
• D.G. Yuengling & Son – America’s oldest brewery.

So spread the love people.  You never know when another black bear skull will turn up or some carpetbagger will build a bigger indoor waterpark or a minor league indoor football league will fold shut down to “retool.”

Smile all you want, as long as you ain't bringin' no prized bear skulls.

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Team Named After Flightless Bird Wins Sporting Championship

The Penguin is Native to Pittsburgh

According to hazy reports from ESPN.com a team called the Pittsburgh Penguins defeated a team called the Detroit Red Wings in a sport referred to as “hokey” (sic?). This is certainly the first I’ve heard of this Stanley Cup Championship but I’m sure it’s a rather large accomplishment. It seems that the Penguins championship is the culmination of a hockey tournament that began way back in the middle of April.

For their trouble over the previous two months the Penguins were rewarded with a large hand-me down cauldron that contains various etchings with the names of the previous owners.

From everyone at SoD, congratulations on your championship Penguins! We look forward to the next Stanley Cup Hockey Championship Tournament in 4 years.

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Hockey Fans, These Aren’t The Wings You’re Looking For

Team Saving Rally? Or Lunch Rush?

In case you missed it (and if the attached picture is any indicator, you did) there was a “Save the Coyotes” rally at the Native New Yorker in Glendale on Saturday.  According to reports, there were between 250 and 500 people attending the rally.  In other words, the usual crowd for a Tuesday night game against the Predators.

To everyone supporting the cause – kudos for trying (but it isn’t going to work).  To smug a-holes like me, at least someone is trying (but it still isn’t going to work).  Sorry.  As an Arizona sports blog, maybe our support and optimism should be higher, but come on.  It’s been a decade between playoff berths and they moved to Glendale.  But hey, at least you got some great wings, right?

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Quick Hitters

• Former Cardinal Travis LaBoy could miss the entire 2009 season – Now the Cards releasing LaBoy looks even smarter than it did last week. I haven’t had the story confirmed yet but I’d imagine that LaBoy’s bones are made up of a combination of paper mache, spit, and chewing tobacco.

Coyotes Mascot Howler Correctly Identifying Which Direction the Franchise is Headed.

• Westgate City Center says no to Coyotes rally – The planned “white-out” rally to save the Phoenix Coyotes ran into a little hitch as Westgate is preventing the Save the Coyotes Coalition (catchy) from holding their rally at the Westgate City Center, citing that it may be too political in nature. Can a lost cause really be political in nature? Also what’s the word for when something is both hilarious and somewhat depressing at the same time? Because this is that.

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Ovechkin Guarantees Game 6 Victory for Capitals…(In Hockey I guess)

I'm Uncertain as to How Ovechkin Plays with Webbed Feet

In the wake of their Game 5 loss in Pittsburgh, Capitals star and super-spy Alexander Ovechkin has apparently guaranteed that the Caps will defeat the Penguins in Game 6 of the 2nd round (?) of the Eastern Conference (? research be damned) playoff series. I may not watch a whole lot of hockey but I’m always up for a good sporting guarantee. My personal favorite was Patriots wide receiver Raymond Clayborn guaranteeing victory over the Bears in Super Bowl XX (spoiler alert: they lost…badly). Come to think of it, I might even take in Game 6. They still have that glowing puck right? Gooooo hockey!!!

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I Got Dibs On The Failing Hockey Team!

In case you haven’t noticed, things are going great over in Glendale with the Phoenix NHL [insert your name here] Coyotes.  (Seriously, what do I have to do to get you into an NHL franchise today?  This shit is priced to move.)  Many of these trials and tribulations have already been summarized on this fine forum.  The latest news, however, is perhaps the most ridiculous to come out of Glendale yet.

If you thought the team couldn’t play hockey worth shit, well, you are correct.  But, would you have guessed that they can’t even figure out who owns the team?  Over the past 24 hours a pissing contest has been waged in the press over who controls the Yotes.

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Baby, baby, baby, please?!?

Friends, Phoenicians, Reader: I come here not to praise the Phoenix Coyotes, the lepers of the Arizona sports world, but to offer them some honest help. In case you haven’t noticed, the Coyotes are in bad shape- But hey, who hasn’t forgotten to pay their lease for months at a time?  Or, additionally, to pay the city that parking surcharge they collect on each ticket sale?

The Coyotes are now advertising that season tickets start at less than $9.00 a game, which adds up to a whopping $396.00 per seat for the season. Now mind you, the ads are quite silent on the odds of the Coyotes being in Glendale next season. In today’s tough economy the ‘Yotes need to step up their sales pitch, so here are a few helpful suggestions:

Hi, I am the Dark Lord Billy Mays... call now! Operators are standing by.

Billy Mays: His track record speaks for itself. Have him pop out a few infomercials telling local residents that if they order now, they will get a six month supply of Oxy Clean for only $19.95. His preternaturally black beard betrays his black soul.  He will hypnotize the masses into attending the Coyotes unique brand of ice-based entertainment.

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Pretty Sneaky Ovechkin

Apparently Washington Capitals winger Alex Ovechkin was removed from a recent New York Rangers practice during the midst of the Caps-Rangers 1st round playoff series. Sources say the Rangers asked Ovechkin to leave after they saw through his clever disguise:

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