Friends, Phoenicians, Reader: I come here not to praise the Phoenix Coyotes, the lepers of the Arizona sports world, but to offer them some honest help. In case you haven’t noticed, the Coyotes are in bad shape- But hey, who hasn’t forgotten to pay their lease for months at a time? Or, additionally, to pay the city that parking surcharge they collect on each ticket sale?
The Coyotes are now advertising that season tickets start at less than $9.00 a game, which adds up to a whopping $396.00 per seat for the season. Now mind you, the ads are quite silent on the odds of the Coyotes being in Glendale next season. In today’s tough economy the ‘Yotes need to step up their sales pitch, so here are a few helpful suggestions:
Hi, I am the Dark Lord Billy Mays... call now! Operators are standing by.
Billy Mays: His track record speaks for itself. Have him pop out a few infomercials telling local residents that if they order now, they will get a six month supply of Oxy Clean for only $19.95. His preternaturally black beard betrays his black soul. He will hypnotize the masses into attending the Coyotes unique brand of ice-based entertainment. (more…)
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