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Posts Tagged ‘Bad Jokes’

Taurasi Celebrating the Lone Title in Phoenix Basketball History

Taurasi Celebrating the Lone Title in Phoenix Basketball History

On Thursday night, 3-time WNBA All-Star Diana Taurasi was charged with a DUI in Phoenix around the 7th and Camelback area.  After last years Detroit Shock / Los Angeles Sparks brawl, this represents yet another step for the WNBA to being more like its big brother league.  In addition – Taurasi has now proved that Jason Richardson isn’t the only Phoenix shooting guard who can hop behind the wheel of a car drunk.  I anxiously await Taurasi driving 90 in a 35 with a toddler in the front seat.  Your move Diana.

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The Penguin is Native to Pittsburgh

The Penguin is Native to Pittsburgh

According to hazy reports from ESPN.com a team called the Pittsburgh Penguins defeated a team called the Detroit Red Wings in a sport referred to as “hokey” (sic?). This is certainly the first I’ve heard of this Stanley Cup Championship but I’m sure it’s a rather large accomplishment. It seems that the Penguins championship is the culmination of a hockey tournament that began way back in the middle of April.

For their trouble over the previous two months the Penguins were rewarded with a large hand-me down cauldron that contains various etchings with the names of the previous owners.

From everyone at SoD, congratulations on your championship Penguins! We look forward to the next Stanley Cup Hockey Championship Tournament in 4 years.

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Gary Glitter Approves of East Asian Tourism.

Gary Glitter Approves of East Asian Tourism.

Yesterday actor David Carradine was found dead in his Bangkok hotel, following an apparent suicide by hanging. (Note to Nicolas Cage: this is how you make Bangkok Dangerous not by making another shitty film). Carradine, star of such classics as Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror and My Suicide (was he just attempting to remake this film as a one man show?), was in Thailand to film a movie. Some have speculated Carradine was indulging in auto-erotic asphyxiation, and Dr. Greenbaumberg and the Thai Police are reporting that Carradine had a rope tied around his genitals, not sure how Dr. Greenbaumberg knew that . . . SoD prefers to speculate that he was not choking himself while using his very private kung fu grip.   (more…)

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Entering today’s NBA lottery the Suns have a 0.5 percent chance of landing Blake Griffin…er…the number one pick. Yet, they remain optimistic because of the often-cited “Lyle Lovett scores Julia Roberts = anything can happen” mantra. Check out this quote by Alvin Gentry as he heads to the lottery tonight:

I go there with the same hope Lyle Lovett had of marrying Julia Roberts, and he eventually got her.

(more…)

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I'm Uncertain as to How Ovechkin Plays with Webbed Feet

I'm Uncertain as to How Ovechkin Plays with Webbed Feet

In the wake of their Game 5 loss in Pittsburgh, Capitals star and super-spy Alexander Ovechkin has apparently guaranteed that the Caps will defeat the Penguins in Game 6 of the 2nd round (?) of the Eastern Conference (? research be damned) playoff series. I may not watch a whole lot of hockey but I’m always up for a good sporting guarantee. My personal favorite was Patriots wide receiver Raymond Clayborn guaranteeing victory over the Bears in Super Bowl XX (spoiler alert: they lost…badly). Come to think of it, I might even take in Game 6. They still have that glowing puck right? Gooooo hockey!!!

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A solid 0 for 2 day on predictions for Scott Howard. I assume it was just pure spite on the Rockets and Celtics part.

Lesson for the Day: Irrelevance is Spelled Y-A-O.

Lesson for the Day: Irrelevance is Spelled Y-A-O.

Rockets 99 Lakers 87 – Who needs Yao Ming? Not the Rockets apparently as they evened the series at 2-2 in a blow-out win over the Lakers. Aaron Brooks scored a career-high 34 to lead Houston and this game was only even remotely close when the Rockets packed it in during the 4th quarter. It’s never easy for the Lakers to win when Kobe Bryant scores only 15 points (1 more than Shannon Brown…really…Shannon Brown) and Lamar Odom lays a complete egg (2 points). One of the real interesting sub-plots to keep an eye on the rest of the series will be the Rockets without Yao. (more…)

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Editors Note: I pulled the following from the January 15, 1985 issue of the Beacon Town Gazette:

BEACON TOWN, NEBRASKA – Prior to this point in the season, senior point guard Scott Howard hasn’t shown a great deal of ability. Coming into tonight’s game against the Meechum Cadets (8-7, 3-2 league), Howard’s Beacon Town Beavers have struggled to an 0-15 record. In fact, in their last outing the Beavers suffered a humiliating 71-12 defeat at the hands of Mick McAlister’s undefeated Dragons, a game in which Howard was held scoreless. The game was so tough that head coach Bobby Finstock was overheard telling his team “Don’t worry boys, only 12 games left.”

However, Friday was a different story for the Beavers. Following Howard splitting a pair of free throws seconds into the game, there was a fight for a loose ball involving most of the players on the floor. In an image that will be burned into this reporter’s brain for the rest of time, Howard emerged from the pile with the ball, covered in hair. It appeared that Howard had transformed into some sort of fur-covered monster, resembling the legendary sasquatch. The whispers from the crowd suggested otherwise: that Howard had been turned not into a sasquatch, but some sort of teenager-wolf hybrid, or Wolf-Teen (trademark pending).  Oddly enough, it wasn’t only his external appearance that changed after that pile-on: Howard’s wolfish nature seemed to instantly grant him heretofore unprecedented athletic skills.  What followed was the single most impressive performance in a high school basketball game in Nebraska in 50 years.

Scott Howard Immediately Upon Forming Into a Wolf

Scott Howard, post Wolf-Teen transformation

(more…)

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