Memo To Suns’ Brass: Lyle Lovett Won’t Save You

Entering today’s NBA lottery the Suns have a 0.5 percent chance of landing Blake Griffin…er…the number one pick. Yet, they remain optimistic because of the often-cited “Lyle Lovett scores Julia Roberts = anything can happen” mantra. Check out this quote by Alvin Gentry as he heads to the lottery tonight:

I go there with the same hope Lyle Lovett had of marrying Julia Roberts, and he eventually got her.

Sorry Alvin, but this is fool’s gold for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, this analogy always bothered me. Lyle Lovett is not the most handsome guy ever but, come on, he was a freakin’ famous musician. Newsflash: ugly muscians get chicks. Look at the guys in the Scorpions for crying out loud. Or Quiet Riot. I could go on forever.

Bagel bakers always score the best chicks.

If you want to talk about miracle relationships how about Matt Damon marrying a bartender from Florida? How about Cher marrying a bagel baker and bartender half her age? These are the impossible dreams, people. (For you graduating seniors who have no job prospects in a historically down economy, I give you one word: plastics bartending.)

Second, the guys down at Suns HQ need to get some new material. Majerle broke out this exact reference to Lyle/Julia when the Suns started that whole “new 8-game season” crap in the waning days of the regular season. Guess what? It didn’t work then. Can’t we get some fresh material? There are plenty of examples of the impossible becoming reality in Hollywood. For example:

• Keanu Reeves becoming an A List movie star;
• Paul Blart: Mall Cop becoming a hit movie;
• Arnold Schwarzenegger AND Jessie Ventura parlaying Predator into governships of U.S. states
• The Skulls III getting made; etc.

Personally, if I am going to use a quote to suggest we should not give up in the face of terrible odds, I have to go with Bluto’s “Was it over when the German’s bombed Pearl Harbor?” speech. Enjoy, pray for Griffin, and pledge Delta.

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