All The Filler Fit To Print

Entertainment columinsts can’t just publish continuous stories about Michael Jackson.  (Right? Please tell me it will stop.)  Sometimes they need to throw in a little filler.  Check out three of the latest entertainment stories that azcentral.com has picked up.  Beware, this is shocking stuff.

Danny boy wishes he was taller than 5'5. I wish I was wizard. Looks like we are both shit out of luck.

• Daniel Radcliffe Wishes He Was A Little Bit Taller.  No word on whether he also has designs on being a “baller” or having a girl who looked good so he could call her;
• Lindsay Lohan Claims She Is A Workaholic.  Well, I guess she is half right.  Is trying really hard all the time to get wasted considered “work?”
• Johnny Depp Speaks French.  Yeah.  He lives in France.  And?

If this is all you got, keep the Jacko stories coming guys.

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Quick Notes on Singaporeans and Sports

Urban Youth Dreams of Playing Cricket

Loyal readers of this blog know that I’m currently in Singapore – which for those of you who don’t know how to type “time in singapore” into google, is 15 hours ahead of Arizona time.  As this is a sports blog and you likely care very little (to none) about my other experiences – and trust me there have been very few – I’ll give you a taste of some of my sports related experiences:

• I saw cricket batting cages along with a pickup game of cricket.  I’ve not been to the inner cities of LA or NY lately so I’ll just make the assumption that this is the way the United States is since I’ve left.  I welcome your confirmations.
• In the window of a store there was a Chicago Bulls shirt that was red with gold glitter and had faux autographs from members of the early 90’s Bulls – including Bill Cartwright, Trent Tucker, and John Paxson.  Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen were nowhere to be found.  Somehow I resisted the urge to drop the seven Singapore dollars it would have cost to purchase this luxury item and will likely forever regret not owning what I believe was a female shirt with a fake Trent Tucker autograph. 

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The D-Backs Define the Theme of this Blog

Upton Would Have Fit in Well in Right Field for Louie and I's Softball Team

On October 6, 2007 the NL West division champion Arizona Diamondbacks defeated the Chicago Cubs 5-1 in order to finish off an NLDS sweep.  Although the D-Backs were promptly swept out of the NLCS by the Rockies there was certainly reason for hope for the future.  In that game Arizona ran out the following lineup (this was approximately 21 months ago….TWENTY-ONE):

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U.S. Soccer Gags on Lead and Crushes Scott Howard’s Will to Live

The United States Soccer team choked away a 2-0 first half lead to lose to Brazil in the Confederations Cup Final. Brazil scored 3 unanswered second half goals and should have had four but for the ref missing the ball crossing the goal line. While the U.S. team should be applauded for making its first ever F.I.F.A. men’s final, this epic gag job should not be forgiven. So in summary, congrats on making the final and congrats on having a 2-0 lead at half time but epic fail at not choking on apple sauce in the second half.

Landon Donovan may as well have actually shit himself in the second half for all the good he did.

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Falling in Love with Earl Clark

Consider Scott Howard Firmly in the Earl Clark Camp

Now that I’m a Suns season ticket holder for the first time I feel a bit of extra investment in the team and their moves – basically I don’t want them to completely suck this year.  The Shaq move was good, and I’m hoping they don’t deal Amare but to be completely serious,  I don’t expect title contention, but 48 wins and a 6 seed wouldn’t be a ridiculous request.

In Thursday’s NBA Draft the Suns added Louisville SF/PF Earl Clark.  For those of you unfamilar with Clark he’s apparently a mercurial talent who can be every bit as good as he is allegedly apathetic about the game.  The book on Clark is that he’s a 6’9 tweener who handles the ball like a guard, can rebound, and is extremely athletic.  The bad news is he doesn’t appear to have the greatest “motor” (which is white-speak for “he isn’t Tyler Hansborough), lacks consistency, focus, and mental toughness.  Admittedly those aren’t the prime qualities you’re looking for in a lottery pick – but from most reports Clark was a top-5 talent in this draft.  He averaged 14 points and 9 rebounds for a very tough Lousville team. 

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Why Robert Sarver and Steve Kerr? Why?

Steve Kerr is Desperate to Give Me Away

I understand the fact that the Suns are no longer contenders – I’ve accepted it.  Phoenix had the 6th highest payroll in the NBA last season and missed the playoffs, it isn’t exactly a recipe for success.  While I think they were in fact much better than their record – Amare Stoudemire’s injury, Terry Porter’s existence, along with injuries to Steve Nash and Leandro Barbosa hurt them quite a bit – even if they had been healthy and playing under Alvin Gentry for an entire season they would not have won a championship.  Thus I’ve accepted that Shaq needed to go in order to clear some payroll to make the team younger.  However this Amare to Golden State crap is ridiculous.  The original rumor was that Golden State would give up 7 foot Ivan Drago-clone Andris Biedrins (he of the 11 pt – 11 rebound averages), 3rd year underachiever Brandan Wright, summer league superstar Marco Belinelli, and the 7th overall pick in the recent NBA Draft – Stephen Curry.  I am not crazy about, nor do I even like, that deal.  If those players were so talented Golden State probably would have cracked the THIRTY win mark.

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5:01

Every Friday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker. You know, like a parade marshal. Except cooler.

This week’s honorary drinker is Anthony Bourdain.  America’s crankiest chef and unrepentent smoker, drinker, meat-eater, and appreciater of the truly fine things in life.  Go forth and beware of vegans.

When you're the Chef, there's nothing wrong with a little drinking on the job.

“If some Birkenstock-wearing knucklehead driving around in a SUV and wearing sneakers someone was sold into slavery to make is sniffling about the poor animals, that person is clearly never going to experience the world.” — Anthony Bourdain

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Betty White Breathes A Sigh Of Relief

First, Ed.  Then Farrah.  Now Jacko.  These things always come in threes.

Believe it or not, for a certain period of time, this man used to be the coolest guy on the planet.

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The Two Jakes

On the eve of the NBA Draft, I wanted to take a look back at one of the more hilarious post-draft press conferences in recent Suns history.  I am speaking of the one-and-only Jake Tsakalidis, who responded to ESPN’s draft day questions with two words:  “Free” and “Strong.”  The “free” related to his ability to extricate himself from his then-current contract overseas.  The “strong” related to his ability to be a successful big man in the NBA.  I guess one out of two isn’t bad.

Oh, Jake was free alright but he certainly wasn't strong.

Through the magic of that thing they call the “world wide web,” I actually found a transcript of Jake’s first press conference with the Suns.  Below are the best excerpts with my comments in italics.  Enjoy.

BRYAN COLANGELO (Former Suns’ GM): Well, I’d like to thank everyone for coming today. Obviously, we are here to introduce the newest and the largest member of the Phoenix Suns Jake Tsakalidis. We’re happy to have Jake as a member of this team.

Remember the Colangelo family?  They used to run the team.  You know, back when it was financially and competitively successful.

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Shaq Traded to Cavs OR How to Go From 1st in the West to the Lottery in 16 Months

The Suns Will Now Be the Only Team Shaq Didn't Reach The Finals With

I come to you tonight as SoD’s first international writer.  With times being tough in the blogosphere we’ve decided to expand our little Mom and Pop operation on a global basis – either that or I’m here on business for my real job…I’ll let you decide.  A lot has apparently changed since I last set foot on American soil – first of all the United States is now apparently a soccer power (bring back the title boys – an apathetic public awaits you).  Oh, and the Suns traded Shaquille O’Neal for cap space.

Frankly there are two schools of thought here:

(1) Good to get rid of Shaq’s $21 million dollars a season because all he did was slow down the offense anyway.

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