A former security guard assigned to provide security services to Tony Parker’s home has been arrested after stealing from Mr. Longoria. The security guard, who was already wanted for a previous burglary, helped himself to a signed Michael Jordan jersey and attempted to sell the jersey, worth over $20,000.00, for $500.00 on Craigslist. Unfortunately, this budding investment banker was unable to offload his collateralized autographed jersey-backed security (far below market value and priced to move!) before he was caught by Bexar County Sheriff’s Deputies.
Posts Tagged ‘Conspiracy Theories’
Tony Parker’s Former Security Guard Helps Secure Tony’s Belongings on Craigslist
Posted in NBA, Sports, tagged Conspiracy Theories, NBA, Sports, Writer to Writer trash talk on June 12, 2009| Leave a Comment »
Lil’ Penny Welcomes the Lebron Puppet to the Island of Disgraced Corporate Mascots
Posted in NBA, Sports, tagged Broadcast Gold, Conspiracy Theories, NBA Playoffs on June 1, 2009| Leave a Comment »
With Cleveland’s early departure from the NBA Playoffs, Nike is stuck with a worthless ad campaign staring the Lebron puppet. Sources confirm that Nike has done the only thing it can do in this situation: It has exiled the puppet to the Island of Disgraced Corporate Mascots, current home to the likes of Lil’ Penny, the pets.com sock puppet, the Taco Bell Chihuahua and the “you’re getting a Dell” dude. (more…)
Joe Paterno Will Be Dead in the Cold Cold Ground Before Catholics Are Allowed in the Big Ten
Posted in NCAA Football, Sports, tagged College Football, Conspiracy Theories, Silent wars on May 29, 2009| Leave a Comment »
Early this week at an alumni event, octogenarian Joe Paterno said he would not welcome Notre Dame to the Big Ten. He said he would like to see Rutgers, Pittsburgh or Syracuse join the Big Ten so that the conference can expand from 11 teams to 12 and have an important conference championship game. Notre Dame has repeatedly refused offers to join the Big Ten, preferring to remain a football independent with its own oversize CBS contract. Ever since working for the Spanish Inquisition as a young man, Joe Paterno has opposed the Pope’s influence and he isn’t about to stop now.
Might As Well Jump
Posted in Economic Blight, Media, Not Sports, Politics, tagged China, Conspiracy Theories, Propaganda, Road Rage, The Wizard of Oz, Van Halen on May 24, 2009| Leave a Comment »
People who like to jump: David Lee Roth. Hayden Christensen. The people in this movie. Count Chen Fuchao out of this group. After several hours of threatening to jump to his death from a bridge in China, Mr. Fuchao was “helped along” by a friendly Chinese passerby, Lai Jiansheng, who shook hands with him and then gave him a little push on his way. Jiansheng’s reasoning for pushing Fuchao — he was holding up traffic. And you thought L.A. freeways were tough.
I have a couple of observations here. First, according to Chinese reports (we all know how reliable those are), Mr. Fuchao was distraught over being in debt. Yeah. And? Sounds fishy. Second, the report states Mr. Fuchao fell 26 feet onto a partially inflated airbag suffering minor injuries. 26ft? Two stories? Way to go for the gold with ol’ suicide attempt Chen. No word if the partially inflated airbag was supplemented by a painting of an airbag on the concrete.
Unidentified Flying Obsession
Posted in Not Sports, Pop Culture, tagged Conspiracy Theories, Fraudulent Bullshit, UFO sightings, Willy Wonka on May 19, 2009| Leave a Comment »
Arizonans LOVE seeing UFO’s. It’s been proven time and time again. This story about sightings of a magical clear bubble ship NASA weather balloon is further proof of Arizona’s obsession with UFO’s. One has to wonder why Arizona is so frequently the destination of choice for alien craft? Is it the mild winters? The influx of crystal-worshiping burnouts in Sedona and Tucson? Who knows? One thing is for certain, as you can tell from the credited photographer of the picture accompanying the azcentral.com story, we may be dealing with some biased observers.
Kobe v. Lebron = Nuggets v. Magic?
Posted in NBA, tagged Broadcast Gold, Conspiracy Theories, Darth Vader, NBA, NBA Playoffs, Vitamin Water on May 18, 2009| 2 Comments »
Check out the latest Facebook entries in Vitamin Water’s new Kobe-Lebron ad campaign:
vitaminwater so now the great debate really begins. last year’s MVP, this year’s MVP- on a collision course to meet in the championship. weigh in with your opinion today.
vitaminwater with these two MVPs destine to meet in the championship, the great debate burns on: who is the better player right now, Kobe or Lebron? fuel the fire…
Two observations. One, Vitamin Water’s ad people might want to proofread this stuff for typos (Kettle. Black. Pleasure to meet you.)
College Football Playoff Advocates Shocked by BCS Having Attained Self-Awareness
Posted in NCAA Football, tagged College Football, Conspiracy Theories, Pathetic Longing, Sooners Suck on May 12, 2009| 1 Comment »
The Bowl Championship Series has paid former Oklahoma Sooner Felonious Land Thief and former U.S. Congress person J.C. Watts over $260,000.00 over the last five years for helping the BCS in Congress. Is J.C. Watts trying to torture OU fans everywhere? After all, the BCS did bring the wretched Sooner faithful this wonderful game:
You have my attention J.C., go on . . . anything that can lead to more of this:
is a proposal I will entertain.
At Least We’ll Be Running in ’09
Posted in Arizona Sports, NBA, tagged Conspiracy Theories, NBA, Suns on May 8, 2009| 4 Comments »
Word per azcentral.com is that the Suns and interim head coach Alvin Gentry are closing in on a new deal that will remove “interim” from Gentry’s job title. Looks like the appropriate move considering the Suns averaged 117.7 points per game in Gentry’s 31 games, including scoring over 130 points on 6 different occasions. So unless they blow up the entire roster over the summer, the team will still be somewhat fun to watch (I’m even thinking of investing in season tickets…really).