SportsCenter Slumming It

So, we got really drunk the night before last and hooked up with someone. Now we can’t remember who it was. We feel so cheap and dirty.

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Beware Of Old Mines But Only If You Know Where They Are

The day I set foot on that beach in Normandy, I never wished more that there was a god in heaven, and I was never more certain that they wasn't.

Attention reader, there is a pandemic sweeping through Arizona and it has nothing to do with pigs.

It’s the growing problem of old mines.  According to local authorities, there are over 50,000 old mines in Arizona.  I know what you are thinking, that’s a whole lot of grizzled prospectors that done dug a whole lotta holes.   We’re screwed, right?  Nope.

This recent Arizona Republic headline sums up the best prescription:

Beware of old mines – if you know where they are

Old Mines are comin', comin' to get ya!

Words to live by for sure, I have no doubt.  But, both tragic cases of old mine-related deaths cited by the Republic clearly involved people who had absolutely no idea they were anywhere near fucking, old abandoned mines.  One unlucky soul was riding an ATV and another one simply TOOK A STEP BACK!

State senator Bob Burns says he is really concerned about this problem BUT — ding ding ding ding — there’s no money in the budget!

There's gold in fostering false hope in dem der poor people.

I guess the moral of this story is that if you don’t know where old mines are, and you fall in, you are pretty much screwed.  Thanks for the breaking news guys.

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A Vote for Robin Is a Vote for Failure

Apparently a Rookie of the Year Hopeful

You’d think we’d learn a lesson after being burnt by our Kiwi fan base, but…

Last week it was reported that Suns center Robin Lopez received a 2nd place vote for Rookie of the Year. Cute right? You’ve got to assume some media member got his Lopezes mixed up, as Robin’s twin brother Brook averaged 13 points and 8 boards for New Jersey this year.

Then just today it appears that Robin Lopez received one vote for the NBA’s All-Rookie First Team. Again, you’ve got to assume this was just a mistake, right?

For the record, the ROY award is voted on by the media while the All-Rookie teams are voted on by the coaches. That leaves us with one of two options:

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Marks Plays 22 Minutes, Hornets Go Home

Marks Passes Yao on His Way to the Bench

New Orleans’ 20-point loss in Denver last night surely was no surprise to anyone, after the Hornets matched the all-time mark for NBA Playoff Futility on Monday. What is surprising is that, on the brink of elimination, the Hornets ignored a fundamental principle of professional sports: once identified as a Fan Favorite, a player will never again be a legitimate contributor.

Granted, there are exceptions to the rule. The Suns’ own Lou Amundson developed a high level of efficiency as his minutes increased over this past season. The Hornets’ Sean Marks, once a Suns Fan Favorite and competing with Stromile Swift for “best NBA rapper name,” himself played 26 useless minutes in the Hornets’ one win in the series. But 90% of most of the time, putting a Fan Favorite in the game for more than 10 minutes is the Kiss of Death unless the game is already a blowout. Now, I do not follow the Hornets and I do not know if their depth chart is Cassell’s-gene-pool shallow or if the fans even know Marks exists. I do know that Marks’ 4-5 with 2 TOs and 2 steals did not keep the Hornets in the game, which ended up being the last of their season.

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Jessica Biel Naked!!! (or Scott Howard’s I Forgot How Good You Were: NBA Edition)

Got your attention didn’t I?  Now I’ll be honest with you…yes all 5 of you reading this post, the title is a shameless attempt at getting traffic to the site, but we need to do something.  So with that…

As a Suns fan I’ve had the pleasure of watching a 36 year-old Grant Hill get up and down the floor the last 2 seasons.  Hill has been decent for the Suns and will occasionally show flashes of what he once was.  With every flash I think back to his Pistons days, which in turn leads me to remember some other 90’s players whose greatness can only be captured by YouTube and our memories.  So just sit back and enjoy these 5 videos of some of my favorites (starting with Mr. Hill himself):

Grant Hill:

As discussed.  The dunk at the :17 mark is a favorite, in case you aren’t paying attention he’s dunking over multiple Bullets, including 7’7 Gheorghe Muresan.

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I Got Dibs On The Failing Hockey Team!

In case you haven’t noticed, things are going great over in Glendale with the Phoenix NHL [insert your name here] Coyotes.  (Seriously, what do I have to do to get you into an NHL franchise today?  This shit is priced to move.)  Many of these trials and tribulations have already been summarized on this fine forum.  The latest news, however, is perhaps the most ridiculous to come out of Glendale yet.

If you thought the team couldn’t play hockey worth shit, well, you are correct.  But, would you have guessed that they can’t even figure out who owns the team?  Over the past 24 hours a pissing contest has been waged in the press over who controls the Yotes.

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Requiem for a Dynasty: San Antonio Spurs 1997 – 2009

The Mavericks brutally garroted the San Antonio Spurs in the first round of the NBA playoffs 4 to 1, officially marking the end of the Spurs Dynasty.  The Spurs had been a constant threat to win the NBA title, but that era is over.  As a native son of San Antonio, I choose to remember the good times.  The Dynasty netted 12 straight playoff appearances, 4 NBA championships, and back-to-back MVP awards for Tim Duncan.

We know you didn't commit a foul, Tim. Angels can't foul.

But like all good things, the Dynasty has come to an end.  It had it all: a ruthless despot, great men, excitement, a real rival in the Lakers, and a “rival” that was never more than a harmless nuisance (ha ha, suck it Suns fans). 

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Renaissance Man

There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

Bobby Knight knows three things: (1) basketball; (2) hunting; and (3) berating the media (of which he is now a member).  Of these three categories, only the third is his true gift to humanity.  Beat writers are Knight’s canvas. F-bombs are his paint.  So none of us should be surprised when he spontaneously creates another masterpiece.

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Who Wants to Buy a Jersey?

This Amount is Too Much for a Allen Iverson Jersey

On Wednesday the NBA Store announced the 2008-2009 rankings for both individual and team jersey sales.   I suppose the results aren’t that surprising since, well, people are pretty big tools.  I do have a few general takeaways though:

• How does Allen Iverson’s Pistons jersey come in 5th?  He averaged a career low 17.5 ppg and was basically a healthy scratch for the playoffs.  But I suppose the youth of America still loves A.I.
• I’m glad to see Chris Paul in 3rd; you don’t typically see the appreciation for an NBA assist leader.
• Nate Robinson at 8th is frightening.  What is the mind-set there?  “Man, I really love the Knicks, I’ll buy whatever jersey is in the store.”  Let me make a humble suggestion to all those Knick fans thinking that: go ahead and pick up a throwback.  Walt Frazier, Willis Reed, and Patrick Ewing are all solid suggestions.  Hell, break out a John Starks for all I care, at least he played in the playoffs.

One thing I wished when reading that list was that it went beyond 15 players or 10 teams.  Thus with that in mind I’ve concocted what I believe to be the bottom 5 players and bottom 5 teams:

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Howard’s Elbows Knock Two Out of Game 6, Neither One His Opponent

As expected, Dwight Howard has been suspended one game for his nasty ‘bow to the face of Sam “Le Fromage Canadienne” Dalembert.  Out west, those who still have jobs were mostly unable to watch the game and are generally unaware that Howard’s other elbow decimated Courtney Lee’s face earlier in the game, breaking his sinus (?) and leaving the Magic two starters down for Game 6 in Philly.

Lucky for Orlando, Rafer “Skip to My Lou” Alston is like a modern-day, real-life Atlas and can easily take the team upon his shoulders.

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