I AM AT THIS PARTY!!!!!

(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)

Rocket Sauce, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

Rocket Sauce . . . In his recent soft toss session spin control interview with Mike and Mike (one’s an athlete, one’s a dork…and there BOTH named “Mike” — let the hi jinx ensue!), Roger Clemens busted out a new strategy for denying the allegations that he took steroids — he has a family history of heart problems.  This new ammunition presumably comes from Clemens’ new PR firm and Roger wasted no time in going to that well early and often.  He proceeded to act as if this were the smoking gun, the revelation which would make us all stand up and cheer “INNOCENT!”  What’s Rocket’s family history like, you say?  Well his brother and his step dad have both had heart problems.  Step dad?  Take it easy Rocket.  Why don’t you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

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K-Mart Doin’ Work (On Mark Cuban’s Face).

Lovable NBA-er Kenyon Martin has responded to Mark Cuban’s alleged confrontation with K-Mart’s mom during Saturday’s epic Mavericks’ loss.  Among other things, Cuban told Lydia Moore (aka Ma K-Mart) that her “son is a punk.”  Kenyon did what all self-respecting public figures do when someone talks junk  — imply forthcoming physical violence against the offending party in interviews with the local media. 

New location opening soon in the Dallas area.

Even better, Kenyon said this after stating that he would not call out Cuban through the media.

I don’t feel I need to call his name in the media and all that, but it’s a little personal.

I am not sure who wears the “white hat” in this confrontation.  Cuban is up to his usual “jackass-ery” and Kenyon’s track record is well-documented.  One thing is for sure.  No matter who wins this fight, we all lose. 

The NBA!  Where players threatening physical violence against opposing teams’ owners happens.

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Renaissance Man

There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

Bobby Knight knows three things: (1) basketball; (2) hunting; and (3) berating the media (of which he is now a member).  Of these three categories, only the third is his true gift to humanity.  Beat writers are Knight’s canvas. F-bombs are his paint.  So none of us should be surprised when he spontaneously creates another masterpiece.

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The League of Extraordinary Southern Gentlemen

Spring time in the south is magical, the trees are in bloom, the birds sing, love is in the air, and for a few scant weeks the blight of the absence of college football is erased by the the appearance of spring football.  (For those of you not from the South, Southerners have 3 seasons: football season, spring football season and drink until the pain goes away season.)  So we take this opportunity to show you that the arts of courtship, tact, chivalry and manners are not dead they merely have moved to the WXRR-104.5 FM webcast of Southern Mississippi’s Football Spring Game. 

 “Shit, give me a blowjob.  I do the weather in the morning.”  Ahh, words to make even Casanova seem like an inarticulate romantic amateur. 

Stay classy Mississippi.

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