These are the stories that happened while we were busy spending time with our loved ones destroying our livers via light and responsible social drinking . . . no we don’t have a problem, lots of people wake up naked licking sap off a pine cone in a church. Unjustified accusations aside, these stories are worth mentioning but do not deserve their own column.
- Jeremy Mayfield suspend for positive drug test. The driver/owner was indefinitely suspended for violating NASCAR’s substance abuse policy. The only thing we know for certain is that it was not alcohol, NASCAR won’t say what the banned substance Mayfield took was but called it a “serious infraction,” and defined it as a recreational or performance-enhancing drug. NASCAR does not publish a definitive list of banned substances. Recreational or performance-enhancing is a very broad swath of possibilities, he could have been taking anything from a Clemens favorite, winstrol, to part of Corie Blount’s personal stash, my personal favorite theory is that he failed the test based on his use of over-the-counter allergy medication, Claritin D, a NASCAR sponsor.
- Greg Paulus is transferring to Syracuse and wants to play quarterback. The former Duke point guard graduated in 4 years and will be attending graduate school at Syracuse in the fall. Despite being a former Division I scholarship athlete he will not have to sit out anytime before playing if granted a waiver. Paulus has not played quarterback since high school, always a good sign . . . if you are Chris Weinke. The Orange won 3 games last year, only one more than Duke won in the NCAA Tournament last year. While Paulus was a highly touted high school quarterback drawing scholarship offers from Miami and Notre Dame, this has all of the ear marks of Epic Fail so stay tuned SoD fans.
- Rachael Alexandra won the Preakness. The race drew the highest TV ratings since 1990, meaning one thing — the number of dirty old men is on the rise. Seriously, who else watches horse racing . . .
- Michael Phelps has lost back to back races. Apparently he is mortal after all, but he isn’t too bummed out about it because he got some great Phish tapes recently. They are like out there, man.