I promised myself I wouldn’t use this blog to blatantly attack people when they don’t agree with my obvious biases – wait! It’s the exact opposite! So guess what? Tim Hasselback – you’re a sucky loser.
If you missed it – and you probably did – Mr. Elizabeth Hasselback is apparently now an analyst for NFL Live on ESPN. This followed his stellar NFL career which spanned 4 different seasons (between 2002-2007) and 15 whole games. He actually even got to start a few for the Redskins in 2003. In addition he had a very brief stint as a Cardinals QB in 2007 – signing after Matt Leinart, Kurt Warner, Neil Lomax, Timm Rosenbach, and Tom Tupa (list may not be accurate) all went down.
Ordinarily I would just let his general existence as an NFL analyst roll off my back. He’s no Jesse Palmer in the looks department, in fact he’s so bland that you barely care he’s alive – but he’s drawn my ire with some recent comments. While discussing the recently released ESPN NFL Power Rankings on NFL Live, Hasselback cited the Cardinals as the team most likely to decline in 2009. His reasons?
- Anquan Boldin and Darnell Dockett aren’t happy about their contracts.
- They “lost” the Defensive and Offensive Coordinators.
- They haven’t traditionally handled success well.
- He does however go on to state that he “understands they’ll still put up big numbers in the passing game.”
Let’s give this a good ol’ fashion SoD breakdown:
- You know when Anquan Boldin has been happy with his contract? Never. You know when he’ll still play hard? Always.
- As for Dockett – I really do think he’s a nice player – but outside of the Super Bowl he didn’t have an overwhelmingly impressive season. Also he’s got 3 years left on his deal. If his contract issues are the reason the Cardinals decline I’ll be shocked.
- They didn’t “lose” Defensive Coordinator Clancy Pendergast – they canned his ass. He “led” the Cards defense to a ranking of 19th in the league and down the home stretch of the regular season made the D about as fearsome as Grape Ape.
- They may have actually lost Todd Haley to the Chiefs – but is that really what’s going to cause the Cards to back-step? I probably could have called a few plays for Fitz in the playoffs and succeeded. I would also have never called the QB sneak on 4th down against the Rams in St. Louis. OK fine…losing Haley might have some validity – but I’d like to think Ken Whisenhunt will call the plays just fine.
- “They haven’t traditionally handled success well.” Really Tim? Their last winning season was in 1998, they did in fact fall back to a 6-10 record in 1999 (one for you). Before that their last winning season was in 1984 and while they went 5-11 in ’85, can you really draw anything from this “historically” ? Normal deductive reasoning says you can’t – Tim Hasselback thinks you can.
- My favorite point of all? He still thinks they are going to score a ton of points. This is particularly entertaining because it completely blows away the only near valid reason he has for them declining – the Haley departure. If they’re going to score a ton of points it doesn’t matter who the coach is.
Don’t get me wrong, I could certainly see a few reasons for the Cardinals declining a bit from their record and success in ’08 (Warner injury, tougher schedule) – but the reasons provided by Hasselback don’t really make any sense. Better bring it stronger next time Tim.