(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.)
Blow Me… Apparently, the Yankees have a jet stream heading out to right field of their 1.5 billion dollar stadium which has resulted in a shocking number of home runs. Yankee brass is not pleased. They have put out an APB for all wind engineers and other “scientists” (come on, we all know that the wind is controlled by Njord from his control room in Valhalla). The only real question — besides “why didn’t they get engineers BEFORE spending 1.5 billion?” — is how the Yankees can spin this to blame A-Rod.
Top Gun rules of engagement are written for your safety and for that of your team… Air Force One was apparently commandeered by Goose (RIP) and Mav this week as it made an unsettlingly low and unannouced flight over NYC for a photo shoot. Who would have guessed people might be a little sensitive to low-flying, unannouced flights in New York? I would have loved to been a fly on the wall during that planning session to hear the rationale for why this photo shoot was a good idea. Listen, I thought these rules were not flexible — the hard deck for this opertaion is 10,000 feet. At least, that’s what Viper said.
Sarver Replaces CEO, Starting Lineup/Biz Model to Follow…. Robert Sarver decided to steps aside this week as CEO of the Suns. We will remember his tenure fondly. His accomplishments include, (1) taking the most popular and financially successfuly team in Arizona and running them into financial ruin, (2) orchestrating the collapse of “seven seconds or less”-era Suns which were the most exciting team in the NBA, (3) hiring his best friend as GM even though he had no experience, and (4) waving a foam finger while leering at Suns dancers. If you call this success, remind me to choose epic failure.
Doug Davis Tries Harder When He Gets Paid More…. Diamondback fans, you may have noticed that Doug Davis is off to an unusually successful start to this season. His ERA is 2.91 and he has pitched into the late innings of almost ever game he has started. For a little insight into this surge in productivity, check out this recent quote by Doug who, woudn’t you know it, is in a contract year.
“I’m not saying that I didn’t have goals the last two years, but when you have something to strive for pitch to pitch, day to day, game to game, you really strive to do better.”
Ah, the modern professional athlete.