The draft is underway. I’m sitting here in the Scott Howard box on the side of the road house along with Sgt. Zim and a couple more pals ready to bring you our thoughts/musings.
1) Detroit Lions : Matthew Stafford QB – Georgia. Everyone knew this was coming. The only surprise was that the Lions didn’t milk the 15 minutes. Congratulations kid, you may be able to buy golden toilets for your house but you’re still the QB of the Detroit Lions. How many games before they force Stafford into action? 1? 2? Do you think he asks for Joey Harrington’s old locker?
- Mike Maycock of NFL Network just informed us, speaking on Jason Smith that “Jason Smith is the best tackle available in the draft to play hard-nosed football”, I’m sure Andre Smith will be furious once he leaves his tea party.
2) St. Louis Rams: Jason Smith T – Baylor – And he’s crying, hard-nosed tears if you ask Maycock. Coming out of football factory Baylor, Smith can’t possibly be a failure. A 3rd team All-American becomes the 2nd overall pick…does not compute.
- Just switched over to ESPN coverage.
- Why is Aaron Curry’s suit so shiny? He looks like an original Apollo astronaut.
- Seeing Herm Edwards talk about the team he trashed is entertaining. Let the Todd Haley era begin
3) Kansas City Chiefs: Tyson Jackson DE – LSU. The Chiefs quest to assemble the 2007 LSU defensive line continues. I’m sure Clancy Pendergast will find a way to under-utilize him.
4) Seattle Seahawks: Aaron Curry LB – Wake Forest. My Seahawk fan friend is relieved, not as much because of Curry but because of the fact that it isn’t Sanchez. The lime green hat is a perfect combo with Curry’s space suit. I will have to say I enjoy Curry’s shameless self promotion in telling the Lions he’d sign for less money than Stafford.
- Maycock informs us that Curry has “heavy hands”, well thank god. I’m sure that will prove useful in the Seahawks Golden Gloves tournament.
- Is Deion Sanders attempting to compete with Stuart Scott (NBA Draft style) for worst draftee interviews? He’s ahead by 6 right now.
- A TRADE! The Jets trading up to 5th, presumably to pick Mr. Steamy Latin Looks. Interesting to see Mangini makes a trade with the team that fired him.
5) New York Jets: Mark Sanchez QB – USC: The Jets fans are going ape-shit for SLL, except for the one guy who seems beside himself. This is the same fan base that was thrilled with a 38 year-old Brett Favre, so I’ll take it with a grain of salt.
- Cleveland came through with quite a haul here: the 17th pick, 57th pick, and 3 players I’ve barely heard of. The picks alone are probably worth it.
- The group over here is analyzing the NFL career of Ron Powlus. None of us could believe that he didn’t win the 2 Heisman’s Beano Cook projected.
6) Cincinnati Bengals: Andre Smith T – Alabama: I don’t think any comment does Smith justice, how about a picture?
- In light of his personal issues following the NFL Combine, is it possible that there is a worse team for Smith than the Bengals?
7) Oakland Raiders: Darrius Heyward-Bey WR – Maryland. Stunning. Wasn’t this guy supposed to go in the 20’s? Interesting pick from the sea monster.
- ESPN’s Mel Kiper and Todd McShay immediately throw F’s on this pick. I’ve got to agree. The guy is fast, but so what?
- Michael Crabtree won the Biletntikoff twice and now he’s getting picked behind a WR from Maryland nobody had heard of 6 months ago? He looks pretty pissed.
- Is Heyward-Bey even as good as Jeremy Maclin? What’s the ceiling here? Ted Ginn Jr.?
- Kiss of death for the Raiders? Herm Edwards just blessed the selection.
8 ) Jacksonville Jaguars: Eugene Monroe T – Virginia. Nobody trades into this pick to get Crabtree? Is it the lavender shirt? Monroe has some serious bling. That bracelet and watch are probably worth more than all of my personal possessions.
- Holy shit. Did anyone else see the mangled digit on Monroe’s right hand? This guy has “the next Brian Baldinger” written all over him.
- Was B.J. Rajij in Heavyweights? The guy doesn’t look fit-fat, he looks fat-fat.
- I’m sporting my Miami Heat Michael Beasley t-shirt, my pal just asked if it was a Rony Seikaly shirt…I wish it was.
9) Green Bay Packers: BJ Raji DT – Boston College. Again, Raji just looks kind of fat.
- I’m really hoping the Niners pass on Crabtree. I have no desire to see this guy run rough-shod over the Cardinals defense twice a year for the next decade.
- Crabtree is on the phone. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.
10) San Francisco 49ers: Michael Crabtree WR – Texas Tech. Damn. That is a big-time weapon for San Fran. Zim, a UT grad, just cried upon seeing the Crabtree TD catch against Texas last season. 9 teams passed on this:
Provided Shaun Hill can somehow get him the ball, teams will regret passing on Crabtree. If I’m Crabtree I say “Fucking Darrius Heyward-Bey?” after every touchdown catch.
11) Buffalo Bills: Aaron Maybin DE – Penn State. Did Maybin rent out the champagne room of a strip club for his draft party?
- The picks are coming furiously about 3 at a time.
12) Denver Broncos: Knowshon Moreno RB – Georgia. Moreno is a gifted talent. But for Denver? Maybe they should think about defense. No Cutler, no defense = no winning. Good luck Josh McDaniels.
13) Washington Redskins: Brian Orakpo DE – Texas. Orakpo is just happy to be out of the green room. I think he’s smiling big because he knows that Albert Haynesworth is going to get him about 12 sacks next year.
- How dare the NFL make back to back picks on me, I didn’t even have time for snappy comments.
- The NFL Network just played an ad for “Top 10 Rookie Seasons of All-Time”, you know who won’t be on that list? Darius Heyward-Bey.
- I’m also glad to see Brian Billick can still do smug from the B Table of the NFL Network’s draft coverage.
14) New Orleans Saints: Malcolm Jenkins CB – Ohio State. Jon Gruden says Jenkins is a football player. Strange that Gruden isn’t still in the league. Where was he when the Raiders were picking? Good pick for the Saints, they needed defense.
- Comments about Brian Cushing that have come out of this room: “I didn’t know Gordon Gecko played for USC”, “I think that guy had to notify me when he moved into the neighborhood’, and the simple “Ew that guy is gross”. Enjoy Houston.
15) Houston Texans: Brian Cushing LB – USC. In the tradition of Andy Katzenmoyer, Rob Morris, Dan Morgan, A.J. Hawk, and Bobby Carpenter – it’s white linebacker time.
- “Houston gets more Cushing for the pushing” – Rich Eisen. It’s probable that Eisen just outed himself as a chubby-chaser.
16) San Diego Chargers: Larry English LB – Northern Illinois. This pick proves that Chargers management felt the one thing missing in their 2008 season was a Northern Illinois Alum after the void left by Michael Turner’s departure. They’ve fixed the problem. English seems like a player, but I didn’t really see him projected this high.
Zim, stepping into the chair here kids.
Trade – Buccaneers trade up, they trade a first round and the 191st pick to the Browns. Inexplicable, trading up to get Freeman.
17) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Josh Freeman QB – Kansas State. If you have never watched a bad decision that cost someone their job . . . you just did. Tampa’s GM will lose his job in 2 years because of this pick. Maycock just said that Freeman just needs to speed up every thing about his game, that’s good a QB who isn’t ready for the speed of the NFL.
- Freeman is monster big, all he needs is bolts in his neck to complete the look. I wonder if the Bucs fans will eventually chase him with pitch forks and torches when he busts.
18) Denver Broncos: Robert Ayers DE – Tennessee. Tennessee was pretty terrible last year so, so good pick. You want a proven winner like Ayers.
Trade – Eagles trade up to get the 19th pick. They send the 21st and 195th picks to the Browns.
19) Philadelphia Eagles: Jeremy Maclin WR – Missouri. Good pick, can’t have too many wide out who return kicks on your team. I like Maclin but I am not sure the Eagles should have drafted another receiver. But under Marty Morninwheg, the proven mentor of highly draft WR’s, he can totally turn into Anquan Bolden, I mean just look at the success of Mike Williams and Carlos Rodgers … uh oh.
- Comment from the couch: “Key’s pocket square is the wrong color.” No, I don’t think Scott Howard is gay; why do you a
20) Detroit Lions: Brandon Pettigrew TE – Oklahoma State. Really high pick for a blocking tight end. A complimentary player at best making first round money, good business decision from the Ford Family
21) Cleveland Browns: Alex Mack C – California. The Pac 10 puts another lineman in the NFL, they mint NFL linemen out there. I think this Mack would have been a better pick:
The video highlights of Mack reveal that he has a few special skills that may come in handy for Cleveland:
22) Minnesota Vikings: Percy Harvin WR – Florida. Solid pick, Harvin is a freakishly fast player. What are the odds he is high right now? 75-80%? You know what will make the sex boat better? Lots of weed.
- Is that Ron Prince in the back ground? No just some random white guy. No. I’m pretty sure it’s Ron Prince.
- Apparently there is another sporting event going on right now, yet I don’t care
Trade – New England trades the 23rd pick to the Ravens for
23) Baltimore Ravens: Michael Oher OT – Ole Miss. Good pick this late in the, solid NFL lineman type. Great personal story, but hearing him speak does not do wonders for the image of the SEC student athlete. In all seriousness, I wish Oher all the best in the NFL and in life.
24) Atlanta Falcons: Peria Jerry DT – Ole Miss. Don’t know anything about him but back to back picks for Ole Miss. Good job Houston Nutt, maybe Arkansas fans shouldn’t have run him out of town on a rail after reading his text messages through a public records request.
- Scott Howard is ordering pizza. He is having the longest phone conversation ever to order a pizza. I think he might be making plans to “hang out” later with this guy.
25) Miami Dolphins: Vonte Davis CB – Illinois. A happy celebration by all the soon to be posse members. Solid player but might be a little high to take a guy who is related to Vernon Davis . . . Miami fans are rapidly using Google to research if a lack of work ethic is genetic.
Trade – Patriots trade the 26 pick to Green Bay for one second round pick and two third round picks. Patriots loading up on mid round picks
26) Green Bay Packers: Clay Matthews LB – USC. Wow, Maualuga will be the third LB from USC taken today? Oh wait it makes sense, Matthews is a special teams guy and you always take special teams players in the first round.
27) Indianapolis Colts: Donald Brown RB – U Conn. Decent pick, but I am not sure that Donald Brown is ready to transition from U Conn to the NFL, it is a big change. The Colts will have a crowded back field now but that isnt a bad thing given how quickly NFL backs can go down.
- Can LeSean McCoy fall to the Cards? Dare we dream?
- Scott Howard wants Donald Brown to get a new house, I think he can afford to now.
28) Buffalo Bills: Eric Wood C – Louisville. Ehh, a milk toast pick. There a lots of good players left on the board so taking a center from Louisville seems like a bit of a reach. Transitioning from playing on a pass first team to the Bills offense might be too tough for Mr. Wood.
29) New York Giants: Hakeem Nicks WR – North Carolina. Nice pick, Butch Davis produces solid NFL players. The Giants clearly needed a wide receiver. While Nicks has good hands (isn’t it creepy to hear Sal Palantio say that?) I am surprised the Giants didn’t trade for Boldin. They must really like Nicks to believe that he and who they take in the third round are worth more than Boldin.
- Trey Wingo just called the Cardinals the Super Bowl loser? Really Trey? Not even Super Bowl runner up or NFC Champion? Hey Trey, choke on a cock and die buddy, ok?
30) Tennessee Titans: Kenny Britt WR – Rutgers. Great pick, the Titans needed a receiver and they got it. But the question remains how the locals will like a “city boy” from New York. I know Rutgers isn’t in New York but the Tennessee public school system is not very strong terrible.
- The following just happened in my house:
- Dr Greenbaumberg (who will probably eventually be posting): “Scott what do you want them to do here?”
- Me: “I think Everett….(ESPN shows Beanie Wells on the phone)…oh god no.”
- I can’t say I’m particularly thrilled about this pick if it’s Wells. I don’t feel like he is the right type of back for the Cards offense. Beanie caught 15 passes…in his career. How does that fit?
- Herman Edwards just said this was the right pick. Shit. Then he called him a great value. Shit.
- Trey Wingo is really going to town on the Cards. I’d like to punch him in the face. I think I might if I see him.
- The Commish introduces the Cards as the “NFC Champions”, at least someone respects us.
31) Arizona Cardinals: Chris “Beanie” Wells – RB Ohio State. Well there it is. Can I talk myself into this pick? It’s not helping that this random woman who is the “ESPN.com injury analyst” is talking about his foot. If you can’t hold up against Akron, how are you going to hold up against an NFL defense? I’m going to post some highlight of Beanie Wells, mainly to try and make myself feel better about it
OK OK. I guess I’ll give him a shot. I’m still not thrilled.
32) Pittsburgh Steelers: Ziggy Hood DE – Missouri. Surprising a player from such a feared defense is still available. To be fair the Steelers know know how to pick defenders. But you’ve got to question the pick here:
Well that is it for the first round, we hope you enjoyed it. We will be switching to a Round 2 stream now. Stay safe kids and remember: never ever shake a baby.