Tony Parker’s Former Security Guard Helps Secure Tony’s Belongings on Craigslist

A former security guard assigned to provide security services to Tony Parker’s home has been arrested after stealing from Mr. Longoria.  The security guard, who was already wanted for a previous burglary, helped himself to a signed Michael Jordan jersey and attempted to sell the jersey, worth over $20,000.00, for $500.00 on Craigslist. Unfortunately, this budding investment banker [...]

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Lil’ Penny Welcomes the Lebron Puppet to the Island of Disgraced Corporate Mascots

With Cleveland’s early departure from the NBA Playoffs, Nike is stuck with a worthless ad campaign staring the Lebron puppet. Sources confirm that Nike has done the only thing it can do in this situation: It has exiled the puppet to the Island of Disgraced Corporate Mascots, current home to the likes of Lil’ Penny, [...]

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Joe Paterno Will Be Dead in the Cold Cold Ground Before Catholics Are Allowed in the Big Ten

Early this week at an alumni event, octogenarian Joe Paterno said he would not welcome Notre Dame to the Big Ten. He said he would like to see Rutgers, Pittsburgh or Syracuse join the Big Ten so that the conference can expand from 11 teams to 12 and have an important conference championship game. Notre Dame has [...]

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Might As Well Jump

People who like to jump:  David Lee Roth.  Hayden Christensen. The people in this movie.  Count Chen Fuchao out of this group.  After several hours of threatening to jump to his death from a bridge in China, Mr. Fuchao was “helped along” by a friendly Chinese passerby, Lai Jiansheng, who shook hands with him and [...]

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Unidentified Flying Obsession

Arizonans LOVE seeing UFO’s. It’s been proven time and time again. This story about sightings of a magical clear bubble ship NASA weather balloon is further proof of Arizona’s obsession with UFO’s. One has to wonder why Arizona is so frequently the destination of choice for alien craft? Is it the mild winters? The influx [...]

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Kobe v. Lebron = Nuggets v. Magic?

Check out the latest Facebook entries in Vitamin Water’s new Kobe-Lebron ad campaign: vitaminwater so now the great debate really begins. last year’s MVP, this year’s MVP- on a collision course to meet in the championship. weigh in with your opinion today. vitaminwater with these two MVPs destine to meet in the championship, the great [...]

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College Football Playoff Advocates Shocked by BCS Having Attained Self-Awareness

The Bowl Championship Series has paid former Oklahoma Sooner Felonious Land Thief and former U.S. Congress person J.C. Watts over $260,000.00 over the last five years for helping the BCS in Congress.  Is  J.C. Watts trying to torture OU fans everywhere?  After all, the BCS did bring the wretched Sooner faithful this wonderful game: You [...]

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At Least We’ll Be Running in ’09

Word per azcentral.com is that the Suns and interim head coach Alvin Gentry are closing in on a new deal that will remove “interim” from Gentry’s job title. Looks like the appropriate move considering the Suns averaged 117.7 points per game in Gentry’s 31 games, including scoring over 130 points on 6 different occasions. So [...]

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