The Two Jakes

On the eve of the NBA Draft, I wanted to take a look back at one of the more hilarious post-draft press conferences in recent Suns history.  I am speaking of the one-and-only Jake Tsakalidis, who responded to ESPN’s draft day questions with two words:  “Free” and “Strong.”  The “free” related to his ability to extricate himself from his [...]

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Bill Fuller to Interview at USC

Coach Bill Fuller of the Deering Tornado’s Former NBA player and coach of the New Mexico State Aggies and Sacramento Kings Reggie Theus is set to interview with USC. Theus was 41-33 with the Aggies and 44-62 with the Kings, and nothing says dedication to running a clean  and winningprogram like hiring a guy with [...]

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David Carradine Wins Jonathan Brandis Lifetime Achievement Award

Yesterday actor David Carradine was found dead in his Bangkok hotel, following an apparent suicide by hanging. (Note to Nicolas Cage: this is how you make Bangkok Dangerous not by making another shitty film). Carradine, star of such classics as Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror and My Suicide (was he just attempting [...]

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San Francisco UFL Franchise’s Coaching Staff a Mount Rushmore of Failure

The UFL is taking epic failure to new heights. First, their foolproof business plan involves creating a new professional league to give Americans more football during the arid football wasteland that is the month of October.  Americans are clearly not clamoring for more football at a time when both the NFL and NCAA football is [...]

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I AM AT THIS PARTY!!!!!

(Editor’s Note: Derived from an exclamation made by a young lady who felt shunned by a gentleman at a party, this weekly column aims to remind you of some of the things you may have missed.) Blow Me… Apparently, the Yankees have a jet stream heading out to right field of their 1.5 billion dollar [...]

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Yankees Cut Ticket Prices From “Really Really Ridiculously Expensive” To “Ridiculously Expensive”

In case you haven’t heard, or seen it on the Yankee/Red Sox Sports Programming Network (ESPN), the New York Yankees have a brand new ballpark.  Apparently it is a world-class facility.  Problem is, no one in New York is going to see it because it costs about as much as a four year college education [...]

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Looks Like Someone’s Got A Case Of The Mondays

For those of us in the wasteland of college football known as Arizona, the last four years have subjected us to the Rudy Carpenter Era and the Willie Tuitama Era.  Thankfully, both have ended.  What’s next for these two gunslingers?  Well neither was drafted in the NFL so it looks like its NFL Europe, Arena [...]

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5:01

Every Friday we designate this weekend’s honorary drinker.  You know, like a parade marshall.  Except cooler.  This weekend we have chosen Chris Farley.  Go forth and imbibe. “Smokin’, snortin’, shootin’, suckin’, tokin’, poppin’, droppin’. Let’s do a little dance…party with you” – from Black Sheep* *Due to crappy intellectual property “rights” this scene, perhaps the [...]

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How Much is that Player in the Window?

The NFL has invited 9 players to Radio City Music Hall in New York City for this years Draft.  They are: Baylor’s Jason Smith, Virginia’s Eugene Monroe, Ole Miss’s Michael Oher, Georgia’s Matthew Safford, Kansas State’s Josh Freeman, Wake Forest’s Aaron Curry, USC’s Brian Cushing, Texas Tech’s Douche Bag Extraordinaire Michael Crabtree, and Texas’s Brian Orakpo.  All of these players are virtually guaranteed to [...]

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Will Work 4 Food Service Industry

  So I keep hearing about how the economy really sucks.  It’s 2009′s version of “Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.” I have been skeptical.  I mean Detroit is doing fine, right?  And, it is the capital of the auto industry.  Listen, until I see Peter Weller roaming the streets, it can’t be that bad.  But, [...]

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